I attended an Associates retreat at the Convent of the Transfiguration in Glendale, Ohio. The theme was the Life and Inspiration of St. Clare. There is not much known about her. She was friends with St. Francis of Assisi. Like him, she removed herself from her aristocratic family and embraced a life of poverty and dedication to Jesus, praying in a cloistered monastery for 42 years until the end of her life. We are encouraged to follow her courage in finding our own place to follow Christ.
Here is a short prayer (called a collect) regarding Saint Clare.
O God, whose blessed Son became poor that we, through his poverty, might be rich: Deliver us from an immediate love of this world, that we, inspired by the devotion of your servant Clare, may serve you with singleness of heart and attain to the riches of the age to come; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.
Recently I learned that there is a Poor Clare convent in Cincinnati! I was thrilled to learn that the “female branch of the Franciscans” exists here. For a time I was a Third Order Franciscan through the Episcopal church. Below is a short video about the Poor Clare’s life together.
There are 20,000 Poor Clare’s worldwide in 70 countries. Francis wrote their initial rule of life. Clare added the commitment to poverty. The Poor Clare’s are a Catholic order.
The life of poverty centers around the beatitude in Matthew 5:3 when Jesus said, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for the kingdom of heaven is theirs.” And also
Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
Matthew 19:21 NIV
Clare’s goal was to imitate Christ though total obedience to God. Francis said “You only know as much as you do.” Poverty was her way to unity with the Lord. The sisters made altar linens as a way to support themselves, as well as asking for alms.
Clare encourages us to transform our entire being into the image of God by contemplation. She urges us to go towards the margins, the edges of society and find the risen Lord there.
May her challenge lead you to a closer walk with the Risen Lord.
Haven Ministries publishes a monthly booklet of devotions entitled “Anchor Devotional.” The month of September, 2023 featured the writings of John Newton, compiled by writer Miller Ferrie, “to celebrate the 250th anniversary of when the hymn “Amazing Grace” was first sung.”
The entry for September 16 reads:
The grace of Jesus Christ humbles us. Hymn-writer John Newton knew this well and wrote the following:
Self-righteousness has had a considerable hand in dictating many of my desires for an increase of comfort and spiritual strength. I have wanted some stock of my own, I have been wearied of being so perpetually beholden to {God}, needing to come to Him always … as a poor miserable sinner, I should have liked to have done something for myself in ordinary circumstances, and to have depended upon Him chiefly on extraordinary occasion.
I have found indeed, that I could do nothing without His assistance, nor anything even with it. I am now learning to glory only in my infirmities, … to be content to be nothing that He may be All in All. But I find this a hard lesson, …Humbled I ought to be, to find I am totally depraved – but not discouraged, since Jesus is appointed to me by God to be wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemption; and since I find that … He keeps alive the principle of grace which He has implanted in my heart.
John Newton
What a challenge I have had. In so many ways I feel like Newton. August I was exhausted by life and likely too many activities. September I had a decayed tooth cut out by oral surgeon, with anesthesia, antibiotic, gauze, ice packs and pain pills afterwards. My face was bruised and I was in a lot of pain. I kept hearing the Cory Asbury song lyric “You take good care of me.” And it is true.
A few days later I slammed the car door on two fingers of my left hand. So grateful they were not broken. As the saying goes, I “Could not win for losing!” Scalp psoriasis exploded and I began itching, not just on the scalp. Within a few days I was itching all over and hives developed on one side of my neck. Read about something called opioid itch. Wondered if it was the pain pills? Heard the song below. I love Einaudi’s compositions.
Entitled Monday. Sounds to me like the LORD giving living water into my writing.
Out of my mind with itching I began Benadryl on my own along with my usual dose of Allegra. Kept hearing Brandon Lake lyric, “Praise, give Him praise, give Him praise in the highest; I’ll praise You anywhere.” Rough going, and truly a sacrifice of praise.(Hebrews 13:15) For several days a line I wrote in April, 2013 had been on my mind, “And so misery invited agony who brought along distraction and insomnia.” With all those medications I did not have insomnia though I did wake myself several times while scratching in my sleep. Eventually insatiable itching centered on palms of hands and soles of feet with NO rash, NO blisters, NO nothing, just usual skin. Wondered if I would actually scratch my skin open? Even at times itching the skin web between pointer and middle finger. What is this??
I saw the internist. He put me on steroid tablets with Allegra and Benadryl to continue. My appointment with Dermatologist October 5 was much awaited. I just wanted some answers to why is this happening? Assuming we can get it under control, how can I avoid this in the future? Itching stopped for two days and then returned.
October 5 I wrote:
Here am I naked before You
Clearly bothered by itching and pain
Ankles, shoulders and head all ache
Steroids have surely about gone
Driven to distraction I try to contain my hands
nerve endings igniting continuously
I bring my broken self to You
Naked before Your eyes You see
within, about, and through me
Lord be my comfort I pray
Show me how to cope with this
Lead me in paths where I can write
bring You glory and honor and praise
Here am I naked before You.
Dermatologist too was stumped, concerned but uncertain what caused all of this. Did full body check up while asking questions and pondering my dilemma. She took a biopsy of my right upper arm which mimicked something on my chest.
She put me on Zyrtec in evening and Allegra in morning. New Clobetasol shampoo. Wondered if there might be liver or kidney problems. Even mentioned possibility of lymphoma. Ordered a slew of tests (at least eleven) from both blood and urine.
Eventually itching has tapered off. Certainly not gone, but live-able. The test results have been rolling in through My Chart. They are all normal. Occasional palm itch. Maybe once a day bout of sole itch.
I cannot say with Newton and Paul ‘I glory in my infirmities’. Guess that sounds like a hypochondriac to my ears. (Guess I need to study the commentators to gain a better understanding of the concept.) This is a very long post, but was uncertain how to shorten it. I have been enabled to write and post the blog. I went on a weekend retreat at the Convent where I have been an associate for many years. Life continues, but my body, which loves to play ‘Stump the Doctor” continues to baffle me and the professionals. John Newton was right, the grace of Christ does humble me. John 5:30a is such a powerful truth. “I can do nothing on my own.” By His grace I live and write.
During the retreat I was blessed with this portion of Celtic Compline
Awoke from a nap with this in my brain. Worked to find it to share. Recorded 1963. Sadness here in 2023 over Israel, Palestine, Hamas. Please pray for the victims of yet another war.
People being taken prisoner. Even children. So many dead. Reserves being called up. Our ship moving to the area. Retired Israeli military officers grabbing their guns to protect their family. The unimaginable occurring. Possibly more militants from another nation moving into the war. And we hear nothing about the welfare of the Palestinian people. Hamas rages on. Death toll near 1,400.
Please pray for the victims. The leaders of the world are trying to decide their next move. Please pray for wisdom.
You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. 7 Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. 8 All these are the beginning of birth pains.
Matthew 24:6-8 NIV
It is possible we are about to see another world war in our lifetime. God forbid.
Not to mention earthquake in Afghanistan. Estimated 2,400 dead.
Last Thursday, September 21 I challenged you to give thanks to God, especially when awful things your imagination and fears created as possible outcomes did not happen. How did you do? Did you notice how many times you prayed, asked for an outcome, worried and then when it was resolved turned back to give thanks that your worst possible imagination never happened.
“I’ve had a lot of worries in my life,
most of which never happened.”
-Mark Twain
What I was referring to is deeper than Mark Twain, though I agree he is on to something! In our relationship with the LORD do we acknowledge when our worst imaginings never come to pass. Often it is by His hand that those things are averted.
Have you every had a child or grandchild you decided to bless, just because you love them? You were not necessarily looking for a thank you in return. There are usually two possible outcomes to this. Either they thank you and you are delighted with their gratitude, or they go on their way with no recognition of your grace and you think ‘What an ungrateful brat.’ In the eyes of my Father and my Savior I do not want to be the ungrateful brat.
In the painting Ten Lepers by James C. Christensen, I want to be the one young man who turned back to give thanks. Jesus did not take away the cleansing of the other nine, as far as we know. Just imagine the affirmation of healing that the one young man received by going back to the Lord and saying thank you! That is relationship! And that is what my faith calls for. Relationship with the indwelling Christ through the Spirit of God.
Are you in relationship with the Risen Lord? Regardless of church attendance or activity, do you know Him? Have you spoken with Him lately? I was meeting with a friend recently and we agreed that the gold star for church attendance or pats on the back for activity participation is not what our hearts long for. We want relationship with Him and friends who can challenge us to deepen that relationship. There is nothing wrong with church attendance and participation, but without that deep relationship with Jesus there is not much to keep us going on the journey. The challenges are huge and the cost is enormous. The Lord will not rest until we give Him all of ourselves.
As I go deeper and deeper into relationship with the Trinity the forgiveness I am offered and the immense love disarms me. I want to give my entire life and attention to this eternal cause. If you are flummoxed about where to begin I suggest you approach the throne room of grace with the same candor that you bring to a best friend.
Brandon Lake and Thomas Rhett have ideas for you here. “There’s no wrong way to do it. No bad time to start…”
Going inward with the deep blue of the bachelor buttons I sink down.
I take the encompassing blue with me. Down.
I drop my shoulders
Down I breathe the blue petals.
Knowing the blue from the petals will fade. Down.
For now they wrap me in stillness. Down.
Wash me in the blue brightness I pray. Down.
Not Mrs. Stewart’s bluing agent. Down.
But the true blue of fresh flower. Down.
Peculiar petals, Down.
Not like tea rose. Down.
To where I am nestled inside the flower.
Down.
Beyond the pollen gathering bees. Down.
Sitting still in the Blues
And restored.
As you can tell I have been riding a wave of poetry. The book Every Day is a Poem by Jacqueline Suskin has helped to challenge and inspire me. Uncertain how long this wave will last. Hope you are enjoying it!
I was frustrated as I have 4 photos of the flowers that I wanted to intersperse with the verses. Word Press was having none of that. I suppose if I spent enough time changing blocks and formatting I might get it. Hopefully, you grasped the idea, even without all the photos!
My friend and I both have this auto immune condition called scalp plaque psoriasis. It is a scaly itchy condition with lumps on the scalp. I swear I feel like a @#*(&#@% monkey. I scratch unconsciously because it itches almost every waking hour. I have even woken myself up scratching in the night. The warning is not to scratch as that can make for hair loss. When one itches like this the warnings mean nothing.
Not only do we itch but we also shed these overgrown skin cells. Don’t think dandruff, think heavy snow storm. Nope there is no cure. There are some prescription remedies that try to tame the symptoms. No cure. Oh, I remember! They are PRACTICING medicine on us. We are the practice subjects, along with 7.5 million other Americans. yikes.
Snow Squall
I read my iPad mini in bed. Sometimes I am too tired to put it away in the drawer and simply slide it under my pillow. When I got up this morning I heard a slide then bump. I looked in the drawer. Nothing in there. I moved my pillow aside to make certain I had not missed it. Then I saw the blizzard of skin cells on the dark blue sheet. Yuck. Sure enough, the iPad had been under my pillow and slipped off the end of the bed. I got down on the floor (a feat in itself!) but I could not see it. The dog wondered if I was doing morning stretches like she does. I call her Slinky Dog. I got out the bedside mini flashlight. There it was. Had to find the extension picker-upper thingy. Got on the floor again and retrieved the iPad. Finally, I went to the front closet to get the sweeper.
I have heard it said we should vacuum our beds several times a year because each of us shed skin cells, but this was ridiculous. I suppose there is a snow storm headed to my bed every single night as this condition continues. She recently commented how badly she needed to vacuum her black car seat.
I brush my hair and there are snow squalls. At times, white out conditions!
I am not entirely hopeful the dermatologist can bring this under control. And now, sadly, I have it on my ear, too. Never. Ever. Ask what else can go wrong.
LORD, I need patience and now would be a really good time to send that! Amen.
I had a tooth cut out yesterday by oral surgeon. Seems the molar had decayed beneath the crown (on the lingual side?) so badly that if they tried to pull it most likely it would just break. So yes, I had anesthesia similar to twilight sleep during a colonoscopy, then he went about cutting it out. Promised me stitches that would dissolve on their own.
All this to say this type of disruption sends Type 2 diabetes into chaos, not to mention the pain of extraction and subsequent healing. Will be sipping chicken noodle soup broth, milkshake with a spoon, applesauce, whatever I can think of trying not to fill a crater with stitches with food scraps.
Not like I have never been through this before: I will only have 8 teeth of my own left after this procedure. Dentist plans to build a “flexible partial” 4-6 weeks after extraction. This will be an autumn of soft foods and large dental expenditure.
Will be relieved to get the nasty taste from this decay out of my mouth. My teeth have been rotting for over 50 years. I gave up on them a long time ago. With all the other health issues I just got to where I did not care any more.
So please, pray for me and for Bob as he takes care of me during recovery. We had dinner reservations at a church for a program entitled “Death over Dinner.” I had to cancel my reservation since it occurred day of extraction and I won’t be eating anything, needing to stay close to my ice pack. I found it amusing as I age and decline. Humorous that the verse below did not include ‘toothless wonder.”
Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
The other day I was pondering since I am going to try to do more with Inter-parish Ministry (feeding the hungry) and I already lead a biweekly small group and just finished a weekly small group, do I sign up to help in a fifth grade classroom, too? As well as write and blog? The quote below came to mind. Like many good quotes this one has controversy over who actually wrote it or said it. Dickens? Wesley? H. R. Clinton?
John Wesley was a prominent English religious figure whose teachings inspired Methodism. (Faith of my mother and grandparents.) The following elaborate injunction is sometimes called “John Wesley’s Rule of Life”:
Do all the good you can, By all the means you can, In all the ways you can, In all the places you can, At all the times you can, To all the people you can, As long as ever you can.
The 1799 work “Sermons on Several Occasions” by Reverend John Wesley contained a homily on “The Law Established through Faith” with the following guidance.
Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. Neither is love content with barely working no evil to our neighbour. It continually incites us to do good: as we have time, and opportunity, to do good in every possible kind, and in every possible degree to all men.
John Wesley
I need to rearrange my writing schedule as that one day seems to always be interrupted by medical appointments. Is there time to fit another activity in this calendar? At what point am I over-committed and prone to burn out?
As they teach at Walk to Emmaus or Cursillo life leads us to Do-Be-Do-Be-Do. I will pray about these decisions. Eventually it will become clear what time to block off for writing. Currently that has been Monday and Tuesday mornings. Inter Parish Ministry has been every other week. Oh, then we throw in volleyball games at college level with Grandgirl (when the games are in town, 6 PM) and soccer games with grandson (when times coincide with what we can accomplish, Saturday mornings). My husband and I wonder why we are so tired? In our seventies and get weary over seemingly nothing.
Help Lord we need wisdom about all the good, all the ways, all the means, all the places, all the times, all the peoples, but most of all, WE WANT YOU, Lord Jesus!
Gee, did I just write that title? Sitting here at my desk watching a black cloud settling in to pour it’s rain over a nearby neighborhood, I have been pondering all the physical changes Bob and I have been going through. Sort of like having that black cloud park over our home. I was hit by a triple whammy recently.
Had a steroid injection in my right shoulder on a Monday afternoon. Just imagine the most tender spot in your body, put a needle in it. Inject steroids and see what happens. As a Type 2 diabetic those steroids (and every other situation) make my glucose react. This time to jump sky-high. Yes, next morning my glucose value was 210! I average around 79-110. Pounding headache arrived that Tylenol could not touch. Night #1 slept in recliner as no comfort to be found in the bed. Did not even try to go to sleep in the bed on Night #2. Meantime, I must have eaten something funky. In protest my bowels decided they must be emptied of all substances.
Before those things began my ear decided it was living underwater – or some such, with fluid that would not move out. Eventually, the steroid stopped making my glucose skyrocket. The BRAT diet of banana, rice, applesauce, and toast became just rice. Then a rice cake. After days of trying to hear my ear is still funky after plain Guaifenesin and Pseudoephedrine to try to dry it up. One ear felt left out so it too started to slosh. Shoulder is still touchy. Did not expect injection to heal the partial tear, just give some pain relief. Doc is still talking surgery. Need to sign up for PT. Again.
Meanwhile, Bob has had lung difficulties, pain that wakes him in the night, discomfort that makes it hard to sleep. You know, aging is NOT for sissies! Who knew the decline that comes with aging is not just losing your strength.Nothing here is unusual to humans. If we are blessed with a long life we will have illness, decline and perhaps suffering.
One neighbor fell at the community mailbox and bruised both eyes, chin, face and is fortunate not to have broken anything. Later turned out she did break her elbow. Another neighbor fell in his bathroom and needs shoulder surgery. The doc says he cannot repair both places, only one place in his shoulder. Another friend fell and broke her pelvis. Has been suffering all kinds of severe pain. Another friend flew home from Kentucky only to get home with fever, sore throat and likely Covid. Is it that new strain?
As we lose strength, dexterity and even our health can we fix our eyes on Jesus during these trials? Will we do our best to remember these are things we are goingthrough? It seems when I experience these sorts of set-backs I never quite recover the strength I had prior to the event. Just a little slower, a little weaker, a little less young when things stabilize again.
Perhaps the most important lesson to hold on to is ‘these are things we going THROUGH, not camping here, just having to endure.’ Even chronic pain will not go on forever. When we die and go to Jesus we are promised a new body. Thank goodness for that! Cling to Jesus now. Like the tendril on this morning glory vine sculpture, we wrap our hearts and minds about Him the best we can. He holds us. We hold to Him.
Again and again I am brought back to my own prayer,
I have determined that this day,
each time I am drawn up short by pain,
I will praise You
for I love You better than life –
even better than quality of life.
Molly Lin Dutina
I am always amazed that if I pray this with focus and sincerity, (usually from a 4 x 6 card), my attention is drawn to Jesus and away from all the what-ifs and if-onlys. We cannot control our circumstances, but we can control our hearts, our mind-set. Using the pain to draw myself back to Christ is a powerful panacea.
May you lean hard upon the One who loves you best and knows you even in the sleepless nights. Blessings, Molly D.
Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
The vile mud pot that bubbles through my life. Wants to contaminate everything. Makes me irritable. Unable to see the best in others.
There was a poem I found that helped a bit. I first read this while on retreat recently. I believe Joan Chittister had it in one of her devotional books.
Home of My Loneliness by Karl Rahner
In the curve of my heart
lies a hollow place
where grudging loneliness asks a welcome.
In that empty chamber of solitairiness
You rest Your consistent, welcoming love
on the heartsick and patterned
discontent of my gloomy days
and shredded dreams.
You care for my loneliness with affection
during the times when no one
and no thing soothes
the deep yearning
sitting listlessly
inside the arid place of my discontented self.
The Home of Loneliness welcomes me.
As I found solace in this poem I also remembered a piece of coral we found in Hawaii.
“You rest, Your consistent, welcoming love,” “You care for my loneliness with affection”. The Holy One knows my hollow place. I am held in that consistent, welcoming love. My loneliness, which at times I detest and want to deny is cared for by the Trinity. Even that place. Even those feelings.
Chronic illness has taught me so much about loneliness. Only those who have suffered can truly understand the plight of the chronically sick. The ambivalence of taking medication that may or may not help. The side effects that can send you into a ‘tizzy.” The wisdom of prayer and listening to your own body when making decisions about self-care. The Word says to ask God and He will give you wisdom. James 1:5-6 NIV
My parents dying when I was young (aged eleven when Dad died, aged 24 when Mom died) has taught we so much about loneliness. When your family of origin is gone when you are just forming your own family, the word difficult does not describe the impact upon your life.
Next time you sense that “deep yearning sitting listlessly inside the arid place of (your) discontented self” I urge you to turn that place and those feelings to the Holy One. The internet says there one hundred verses about God holding us in or with His hand.
Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.
Psalm 73:23 NIV
Once during a retreat I spent several hours walking the retreat grounds and envisioning the Lord holding my right hand. Though that was many years ago, to this day I remember how poignant that experience was. You might want to try that for yourself. The Holy Trinity is always with us and walks close, even when we are unaware.
Treasures in Plain Sight, A Christian Blog 