Category: Memories

Posted on in Aging, Amazing Creations, Faith, Family, Just do it, Memories, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Traveling

Giant Tree and Roots

During his life in California my father-in-law, Dragomir Dutina, was a volunteer and supporter at Shinn Historical Park and Arboretum. The photo above is my husband, Robert, standing at the roots of the massive Moreton Bay Fig Tree which grows there. If you are ever in Fremont California you might want to stop by there 1251 Peralta Blvd., Fremont, CA.

Regarding the Moreton Bay Fig Tree Wikipedia says Ficus macrophylla, commonly known as the Moreton Bay fig or Australian banyan, is a large evergreen banyan tree of the family Moraceae native to eastern Australia, from the Wide Bay–Burnett region in the north to the Illawarra in New South Wales, as well as Lord Howe Island. Its common name is derived from Moreton Bay in Queensland, Australia. It is best known for its imposing buttress roots.

The Shinn family imported many specimens for their home garden. This one is SO impressive. Wouldn’t you think by the photo that this tree has massive underground roots? So why all the visible big roots? Have you ever visited a gothic cathedral with ‘flying buttresses?”

Washington National Cathedral

Again Wikipedia says: Buttress roots are large, wide roots on all sides of a shallowly rooted tree. Typically, they are found in nutrient-poor tropical forest soils that may not be very deep. They prevent the tree from falling over (hence the name buttress) while also gathering more nutrients. Buttresses are tension elements, being larger on the side away from the stress of asymmetrical canopies.[1] The roots may interwind with buttress roots from other trees and create an intricate mesh, which may help support trees surrounding it. They can grow up to 30 feet (9.1 m) tall and spread for 30 metres above the soil then for another 30 metres below. When the roots spread horizontally, they are able to cover a wider area for collecting nutrients. They stay near the upper soil layer because all the main nutrients are found there.

Wait! All that show and massive growth is because of shallow roots? Well, maybe not because it says if 30 metres above the soil perhaps 30 metres below the soil, too. 30 metres, 98 FEET. “They prevent the tree from falling over while also gathering nutrients.”

Have you known Christians who sport large canopies (hear many words about God) but perhaps their root system seems flimsy? Have you noticed buttress roots about them? I knew people who were proud that they could recite all the books of the Bible. I always wondered how they did at actually LIVING one verse. Living any one verse is harder than it seems.

Many of us try to show others our faith with large financial donations, bragging, and flying buttresses made of arguments about faith, strong convictions about God’s judgements and meanings. I think St. Francis had it right when he said, “Preach the Gospel at all times. Use words when necessary.”

I pray along with Paul that ‘out of His glorious riches God may strengthen you with power through the Spirit in your inner being …and you, being rooted and established in love, may have power to GRASP how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, to KNOW this love that surpasses knowledge.’ (Ephesians 3:16-19 NIV)

Out of His riches God can help us to know these things. Give Him your hands so He can give you the power to grasp these things. Once you have hold of it let Him show you how to use this power and knowledge. If you forget and the knowledge slips out of your hands, go back and ask Him to help you again. Oh Father, that we might bring delight to Your heart through these actions. I pray it all for your glory. Amen.

Like Dragomir’s great-grandson hold firmly to the roots of love in Christ
Posted on in Aging, Challenge, Faith, Journal, Just do it, Memories, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth

Isaiah 30:15 Life Verse

For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel:

In returning and rest you shall be saved;

    in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.

But you refused

Isaiah 30:15NRSV

Isaiah 30:15 ends with “But you refused” or “But you would not.” I want to perform the beginning of the verse, what the Baptists would call my life verse.  “In returning and rest you are saved; in quietness and trust shall be your strength.” I choose to make the last phrase ‘but you would not’ untrue of me. That requires discipline again and again for me to return and rest in God.

Difficult to keep in my mind when I do things like jump out of my meditation and prayer chair to dry off the dog and find superfine gravel dirt all over the front hall and Bob’s bathroom floor from soles of our boots worn to the Nature Center the day before! Here I am back at it. “In returning and rest I am saved.”

We tried to be careful with those dirty soles. Perhaps it is a lesson regarding my dirty soul. Not undue self-castigation here. I so easily depart my knowledge of the Lord. I could have seen that dry off and cleanup event as a way to stay quiet, still, trusting and resting in God: grateful I have a dog in our family, grateful for ability to walk in the Nature Center, resting in the fact that eventually I will be returned to dust yet He will reign forever and ever.

In returning and rest I am saved; in quietness and trust is my strength. I can see that some growth has occurred over the years. I was not angry while cleaning up. In past years I likely would have been. I did, however, return to my prayer chair and ask myself, “Now where was I?” Oh for the day I can carry my prayer chair meditations and practice to the other rooms without flinching or forgetting!

I suppose that is why the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel said “IN RETURNING.” The omnipotent Holy One knew I would be returning. Lord help me always to return and rest in Your tender help and care. Dissuade my tendency to not return with Your power and indwelling Holy Spirit.

My salvation is in returning. My salvation is in resting. My strength is in quietness and trust. So there I have it. When I am feeling not strong, I must go back to quietness and trust in God. There is great wisdom in the concept that when you do not know what to do next, return to the last thing the Lord told you. We are so easily distracted! Like Dug the dog in the movie “Up!” who said “Squirrel!”

I have been working with this verse for many years. Be encouraged by that and know that you, too, can be changed by practicing the Word. Even if that means as the Benedictines say, “Always, we begin again.”

The wind is blowing the wind chimes into constant song. The snow is falling and at times pouring off the roof. The roof line is almost indistinguishable from the sky right now. The candle flickers and I pray you are encouraged to go to God and be with Him. Please do not be the ones “Who would not.”

Posted on in Aging, Challenge, Faith, Memories, Music, Spiritual growth

Austin City Limits

My husband loves to record the show ACL and then watch at our leisure. He often discovers new-to-him musical talent that way. Recently they featured Jackson Browne. We knew him from years ago (think 1978) but had lost touch with his talent. When he sang “Doctor My Eyes” I was reminded of my early walk with Jesus and the pain of seeing others who were suffering. The lyrics are as follows. I have added an almost 5 minute video if you want to hear the song again.

Doctor, my eyes have seen the years 
and the slow parade of fears without crying
Now I want to understand

I have done all that I could
To see the evil and the good without hiding
You must help me if you can

Doctor, my eyes
Tell me what is wrong
Was I unwise to leave them open for so long?

'Cause I have wandered through this world
As each moment has unfurled
I've been waiting to awaken form these dreams

People go just where they will
I never noticed them until I got this feeling
That it's later than it seems

Doctor, my eyes
Tell me what you see,
I hear their cries
Just say if it's too late for me

Doctor, my eyes
Cannot see the sky
Is this the prize for having learned how not to cry?

Trust me, by 1978 I had learned plenty about crying. I also had learned that the Lord does hear our cries. Browne sings “I have done all that I could to see the evil from the good without hiding, you must help me if you can.” And the Word says He wants us to grow up and learn this discernment.

But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.

Hebrews 5:14 NIV

He does not give us everything we want. He so often provides just exactly what we need. It was interesting to revisit the feelings evoked by His song and realize how much better I understand the Lord now than I did at the time I first listened to Jackson Browne. God is moved with compassion and He will help us.

The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.

Psalm 145:8 NIV

I have been reading a book entitled Night Bird Calling by Cathy Gohlke. This conversation was between a young woman being manipulated by an abusive father and abusive husband who said their doings were the will of God. She is talking with an older, wiser, truly Christian woman.

“Then you’ve only known people who take the name of the Lord in vain.” That caught me short. “Jesus called Jews of every social rank. He called women and children and people from Samaria and tax collectors and prostitutes and the down-and-out to Himself. He called unlearned fishermen for the greatest work in the history of the world. He called the humble and the penitent and those who were smart enough to recognize their need of a Savior and to see that need fulfilled in Him. Those people followed Him, surrendered their all to Him, and obeyed His commands. They are the ones who deserve the name ‘Christian’—Christ followers. Anything less, anything Pharisaic and legalistic and arrogant, takes His name in vain. Velma reminds me of the elder brother in the parable of the Prodigal Son—totally unaware that her position in the community was given her.” “Are you saying Velma Richards is not a Christian?” I was astonished by Aunt Hyacinth’s lengthy tirade and perversely thrilled with her defiance. Aunt Hyacinth chuckled. “Well, not to her face.” She grew serious just as quickly. “But I’m saying that you need to recognize the difference between what people claim to be and what they are, and take that into account when you make your decision.”

Night Bird Calling by Cathy Gohlke

Recognize the difference – SEE – the difference between pretense and reality.

Doctor Jesus, we need Your healing for our eyes. We need Your wisdom for our lives. Awaken us from the dream of thinking we know and understand others at a depth. Help us to see as You see and know as You know. Amen.

Posted on in Aging, Amazing Creations, Challenge, Covid 19, Faith, Family, Journal, medical treatment, Memories, Nature, Prayer, Spiritual growth, Yield

How Roots Grow

The photo at the top is the Juniper tree at Live Oak Park, Berkeley, California. That is the place where Bob and I said our marriage vows over 51 years ago.

My Robert waiting under the Juniper tree with our families for me to wed him. Episcopal priest behind him.

Decades went by. I gave my heart back to Christ in 1976. He gave his life to Christ not too long after that. We worked and worked on our marriage over the years. We have always said, “Divorce is not an option. Murder maybe, but not divorce!”

Fast forward from 1970 to December 2017. We both got the flu. Within 24 hours his became life threatening pneumonia with organ shut-down sepsis. Got him to an ER. He was placed on a ventilator and rushed to a different hospital. Within two days my cough began to break up and I was by his side.

The passage from Ephesians 3 helped me as I walk through the terror of possibly losing him forever.

In 2018 I wrote: “Part of my struggle was yielding to the facts and in stillness letting my wishes die, placing my hope in the plans of the Almighty. I could not see the outcome at all, but I trusted His goodness and His love for both myself and my family. I learned that crucified you must hold perfectly still. EPH 3:16 helped me to trust more. “I pray that, according to the riches of His glory, He may grant that you may be strengthened in your inner being with power through His Spirit, and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, as you are being rooted and grounded in love.” I prayed for Bob and our children to be strengthened. I prayed for myself to be strengthened by His Spirit with power penetrating to my innermost being. Yes, crucified you must hold perfectly still. I was not “going” anywhere.”

Have my roots grown since then? I learned so much through that awful experience. Yes, my husband is alive and kicking now. His health has returned. We are going through the Covid crisis with everyone else in the world. We are perhaps more careful than other Americans, having almost lost him four years ago.

My roots? Well I am certainly aware that Bob and I will not last into eternity. Only my relationship with Christ will go that far. We do hope to see each other in the afterlife, but we both understand that relationships there are much different than here.

“Strengthened in your innermost being with power through His Spirit and that Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith….” I would not want to lose my husband to Covid or in any other way, but I feel as if I would not be devastated as I might have been in 2018. Having lived through the almost-death and brutal recovery after his illness, I can honestly say that the Lord sustained us and taught us both many things about His love and power.

“Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, AS you are being rooted and grounded in love.” God’s love is beyond my words. He holds, sustains and directs me with His love. When I resist His leading, He disarms me with His love. He indwells me by with power by His Spirit and it is a process to be rooted and grounded in love. An ongoing to the day I die sort of process.

I love this video. It shows what I cannot see below the surface of the soil. It shows the growth in split screen above and below and then goes on to show the up-close root process. How are your roots growing?

Can you imagine yourself being rooted and grounded in love like this kidney bean? Like the Juniper tree in the photo above? Why not watch the video again and ask the Lord to strengthen you in your inner being with power through His Spirit. Ask Him to helped you be rooted and grounded in love. One person noted, “We need to ask for what we want.” Grow us Lord I pray, by Your Spirit and power, in Your time. Amen.

Posted on in Faith, Memories, Music, Special Event, Thanks

Amazing Stairwell Singing and The Chosen

Four voices on NPR and I am hooked. These guys are amazing! This is one of the hardest Christmas songs I have ever learned to sing. And one of the singers commented on NPR that it was difficult for him to learn, also. And then he was amazed at how it all worked with four of them taking turns with the lead. Even if you are tired of Christmas music I encourage you to listen to this acapella quartet.

My friend, Dan, blogged featuring the music from The Chosen Christmas Special. If you missed it you can watch it anytime on You Tube. This series has encouraged and gladdened us for the past two years. They are about to begin year three. Bob and I both highly recommend it!

Posted on in Aging, Amazing Creations, Faith, Just do it, Memories, Prayer, Special Event, Thanks, Yield

Holy

Are you in a stance of worship? Bowing down? Lifting your hands towards heaven? Looking up towards beings more intelligent than us that worship God and proclaim His wonders on the earth?

bowing down
Lifting your hands
Looking up towards beings more intelligent than us

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:4-7

Some say the Bible is full of things you should not do. No worries about those things if you focus on things you are instructed to do!

Rejoice. Rejoice again. Be gentle. No anxiety – or if it comes send it away as quickly as you are aware of it. Soak every situation in prayer and petition. Always use thanksgiving liberally. All requests are to go right to God. God will give back a transcendent peace, beyond your understanding. He will help guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Bow down before Him. Look up. Listen for the voice of the Lord be it through angels, prophets, brothers and sisters in Christ, the Word of God, printed material a statement on radio, TV, blog, podcast, etc.

As I get older and my body is not nearly as flexible as it used to be I love the line from this prayer that says, “Now I bend the knee of my heart.” Yes, sometimes I think the prayer of Manasseh says it best:

O Lord Almighty,
God of our ancestors,
of Abraham and Isaac and Jacob
and of their righteous offspring;
2 you who made heaven and earth
with all their order;
3 who shackled the sea by your word of command,
who confined the deep
and sealed it with your terrible and glorious name;
4 at whom all things shudder,
and tremble before your power,
5 for your glorious splendor cannot be borne,
and the wrath of your threat to sinners is unendurable;
6 yet immeasurable and unsearchable
is your promised mercy,
7 for you are the Lord Most High,
of great compassion, long-suffering, and very merciful,
and you relent at human suffering.
O Lord, according to your great goodness
you have promised repentance and forgiveness
to those who have sinned against you,
and in the multitude of your mercies
you have appointed repentance for sinners,
so that they may be saved.[a]
8 Therefore you, O Lord, God of the righteous,
have not appointed repentance for the righteous,
for Abraham and Isaac and Jacob, who did not sin against you,
but you have appointed repentance for me, who am a sinner.

Confession of Sins

9 For the sins I have committed are more in number than the sand of the sea;
my transgressions are multiplied, O Lord, they are multiplied!
I am not worthy to look up and see the height of heaven
because of the multitude of my iniquities.
10 I am weighted down with many an iron fetter,
so that I am rejected because of my sins,
and I have no relief;
for I have provoked your wrath
and have done what is evil in your sight,
setting up abominations and multiplying offenses.

Supplication for Pardon

11 And now I bend the knee of my heart,
imploring you for your kindness.
12 I have sinned, O Lord, I have sinned,
and I acknowledge my transgressions.
13 I earnestly implore you,
forgive me, O Lord, forgive me!
Do not destroy me with my transgressions!
Do not be angry with me forever or store up evil for me;
do not condemn me to the depths of the earth.
For you, O Lord, are the God of those who repent,
14 and in me you will manifest your goodness;
for, unworthy as I am, you will save me according to your great mercy,
15 and I will praise you continually all the days of my life.
For all the host of heaven sings your praise,
and yours is the glory forever. Amen.

Such a mighty and gracious God we serve! Verse 15 For I will praise You continually all the days of my life. Yes, Father help us to do just that.

Posted on in Faith, Journal, Memories, Nature, Poetry, Spiritual growth, Writing Life

Not Yet an Ice Pack

Though we are not in the deep throes of winter here, the stream of consciousness brought this poem to the foreground. May it spark something good in you today!

Disconsolate Leaves © 2014 Molly Lin Dutina

A few disconsolate leaves
blow and tumble over the ice pack
soon to be trammeled to muck
by rainstorm later today

Rest me now, I pray.
Take me to the center-down silence of surrender
Pour Your living water over my soul
Prepare me for resurrection life
today and always

Surrender and rest 
have to do with moments,
like leaves blown across ice pack
yielding to the wind and rain
Posted on in Book quotes, Faith, Just do it, Memories, Prayer, Yield

Theme of Joy

“The third Sunday of Advent we are invited to reflect on the joy we have access to because of our faith in Jesus. One of the defining characteristics of Christ-followers is their joyful demeanor. Let’s not allow the struggles of this year to steal from the great joy we have because of Jesus.” (Crosswalk.com)

Advent week 3

Philippians 4:4-5 says, “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.” Rejoice – to be delighted. To feel or express great happiness. Paul wrote to the Philippians saying do it. And then do it again. And again.

Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy,  for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:8-9

Our happiness is can be fleeting and momentary. As a child I was allowed to have one birthday party. My mother filled these little baskets with a treat at each place setting. Some fifty years later I came across the same little basket in a party supply store (since gone out of business).

Seeing the basket brought me happiness, not joy.

We have access to more joy than can be gotten through anything one can purchase at a store or online. We have joy that comes from our Savior. His birth caused such joy that angels descended to sing over the earth.

The Anchor devotional for December 2021 reads: ” The difference between happiness and joy is the difference between a short-term pleasant experience and a long-term positive change in circumstances. And the difference between joy and great joy is the difference between believing things are going to be okay, and knowing they are going to be marvelous! Hard times still mark our lives as they did for Jesus and His disciples. But great joy means that it all has purpose and meaning. It will end very well. Enduring life’s challenges may make us strong. But more importantly, it makes us more like Jesus. We may want to be made better for this life, but He intends to make us completely new, perfect, and ready for His eternal kingdom.”

Have you felt that inexpressible and glorious joy? Sit with the Word and the Lord whose birth we celebrate. Ask Him to show you that great joy. “Jesus, we ask You to open our eyes to the great joys that surround us. Help us to do You honor as we remember Your birth and Your return. Amen”

Posted on in Faith, Journal, Memories, Poetry, Spiritual growth, Thanks, Yield

My Advent Poem

I wrote this in 1993, then did some editing 2014 about my own Advent experience. I try to renew the practice every year!

Advent © 1993-2014 Molly Lin Dutina
Here am I, stuff of earth
But by the Spirit’s power rebirth
has brought me receptivity.
Fill me with Yourself.

Molded by Your Holy Hand
I wait before You
Cupped and ready,
cleansed, atoned
waiting for Your radiant touch
Virtue compelled to enfold Your own
the vessel of Your making.

Here am I, stuff of earth
yielded for Messiah’s birth
be it unto me, O Lord,
as in Your word and will.

The Great I AM
dwells in my heart
there to impart the power
courage and propulsion for
His dream to be fulfilled.

About my illustration:

When our Savior was born He was placed in a manger where the animals usually fed. The manger might have been a wooden log that was hollowed out to hold the feed and hay. A humble beginning and the place where I await Him. Thus the overall shape below.

But the figure is me. Awaiting the Lord’s coming, His fresh in-filling, His power from on high. My heart is marked with the symbol of the cross: I am His forever. I am placed there as an infant. I am His child. I do not have the answers to anything. Receptively is how I am yielded for His will and ways for me. His power, courage and propulsion to fill me in making His dreams for me come true. May my very life and yours be a gift to Him this Christmas and always.

Posted on in Aging, Book quotes, Faith, Memories, Poetry, Spiritual growth

Macrina

Discovered another book I released when we moved. Silly me. I was able to hear Macrina Wiederkehr speak before she died April 24, 2020 at the age of 81. She has inspired me through her books for many decades.

Do you remember shopping at K Mart? Periodically an announcer would come on the PA system and call shoppers to an area of the store where they could participate in a “Blue Light Special.” Perhaps Macrina was inspired by that announcement?

The book I let go of was entitled Seasons of Your Heart, Prayers and Reflections. Her poem Christmas Shopping spoke so deeply to me that I borrowed the eBook from the library so I could share it with you this Advent season. Read it through. Then read it again slowly and sit with the meanings. I seem to gather new insight each time I read it. Truly, a powerful work though not acclaimed as her best!

O God of words, dear Word made flesh 
give birth to my thoughts
change them into words 
that will help me Christmas up the lives 
of those I love, for I am weak and fragile 
scared and empty this year
and still I feel You very near.

Jesus, I think I hear You coming
I think I hear a  sound that says
you’ve cared your way into my life again.
I think I see a light more lasting
than the ones we hang on trees 
I think I see a world 
that’s splashed with God again 
so gospelled with his presence 
so covered with his love yet, lonely still …

O shoppers, dear shoppers put your carts away. 
Please put your carts away 
and search deep down within your hearts
for gifts that will not rust or fade 
for where your treasure is there is your heart. (Matthew 6:19–21) 
O look into your God-splashed, gospelled hearts 
and see! See Christmas standing there 
waiting to be, not bought but given free.

We are Christmas shoppers, Lord 
We are shopping for a way to make your coming last 
O take the blind in us and hold it close 
O teach us how to see 
decorate our lives with your vision 
for Christmas, let us see!

O shoppers, dear shoppers hang lights in your hearts 
instead of on your trees 
for the One we’ve hung our hopes on 
has come, and now we’re free 
but only if we see.

Jesus, we long for Christmas-eyes. 
Please heal the blind in us 
for Christmas, eyes that see!