My Utmost

Oswald Chambers continues to inspire me. In My Utmost for His Highest, daily readings were selected mostly from his lectures from 1911 to about 1917. The August 20 selection is entitled “Completeness.” Since I recently posted about the teaching in Hebrews about rest this seems so appropriate.

“And I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

Whenever anything begins to disintegrate your life with Jesus Christ, turn to Him at once and ask Him to establish rest. Never allow anything to remain which is making the dis-peace. Take every element of disintegration as something to wrestle against, and not to suffer. Say – Lord, prove Thy consciousness in me, and self-consciousness will go and He will be all in all. Beware of allowing self-consciousness to continue because by slow degrees it will awaken self-pity, and self-pity is Satanic. Well, I am not understood; this is a thing they ought to apologize for; that is a point I really must have cleared up. Leave others alone and ask the Lord to give you Christ-consciousness, and He will poise you until the completeness is absolute.

Oswald Chambers

My goodness. I found that so powerful this morning. I opened to this selection and it was not even August 20! God knows what I need at all times.

John Eldredge writing in the book Resilient cautions against the same thing. He calls it desolation.

I realized a few days ago that the warfare I was coming up against was this desolation, trying to disintegrate my life with Jesus and His people. Coming to that realization was huge for me. I know how to bow to the King of Kings and let Him help me. Chambers says to ‘take every element of disintegration as something to wrestle against.’ The Lord has taught me that when I recognize darkness trying to encroach upon my life to PUSH BACK. Basically stomp my foot and declare, “NO!” or as some popular t-shirts say “Not today, satan.”

Chambers says to ‘leave others alone and ask the Lord to give you Christ-consciousness.’ Draw close to the LORD. Pray to think His thoughts. Follow His lead. Be His in every way.

Repeatedly in the New Testament we are told to mind our own business. (1 Thessalonians 4:11-12, John 21:22) If I am truly paying attention to my walk with Jesus, my attitudes, my frame of mind, my motives and desires … if I am doing all that, I will not have time nor energy to get into someone else’s business.

Whew. Not exactly a tall order that I cannot grasp, but sobering to realize that missing the mark at times can simply be blaming others when I have no authority to judge. I so easily deceive myself. (Jeremiah 17:9)

Jesus says, “Come unto Me and I will give you rest,” i.e., Christ-consciousness will take the place of self-consciousness. Wherever Jesus comes He establishes rest, the rest of the perfection of activity that is never conscious of itself.

Oswald Chambers Utmost, August 20, Completeness

Looking up images to illustrate “disintegrate” I was amazed at how many depicted satanic happenings in films. Interesting that even online photos reflect this truth. Yuck.

It is amazing if we are willing to listen to God, examine our selves, repent and move on how an abundance of rest becomes ours! I cannot tell you how STRONGLY I want you to try this for yourself.

Photo by Abhishek Koli on Unsplash

What to Do?

The other day I was pondering since I am going to try to do more with Inter-parish Ministry (feeding the hungry) and I already lead a biweekly small group and just finished a weekly small group, do I sign up to help in a fifth grade classroom, too? As well as write and blog? The quote below came to mind. Like many good quotes this one has controversy over who actually wrote it or said it. Dickens? Wesley? H. R. Clinton?

Quote Investigator at https://quoteinvestigator.com/2016/09/24/all-good/ says:

John Wesley was a prominent English religious figure whose teachings inspired Methodism. (Faith of my mother and grandparents.) The following elaborate injunction is sometimes called “John Wesley’s Rule of Life”:

Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can.

The 1799 work “Sermons on Several Occasions” by Reverend John Wesley contained a homily on “The Law Established through Faith” with the following guidance.

Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. Neither is love content with barely working no evil to our neighbour. It continually incites us to do good: as we have time, and opportunity, to do good in every possible kind, and in every possible degree to all men.

John Wesley

I need to rearrange my writing schedule as that one day seems to always be interrupted by medical appointments. Is there time to fit another activity in this calendar? At what point am I over-committed and prone to burn out?

As they teach at Walk to Emmaus or Cursillo life leads us to Do-Be-Do-Be-Do. I will pray about these decisions. Eventually it will become clear what time to block off for writing. Currently that has been Monday and Tuesday mornings. Inter Parish Ministry has been every other week. Oh, then we throw in volleyball games at college level with Grandgirl (when the games are in town, 6 PM) and soccer games with grandson (when times coincide with what we can accomplish, Saturday mornings). My husband and I wonder why we are so tired? In our seventies and get weary over seemingly nothing.

Help Lord we need wisdom about all the good, all the ways, all the means, all the places, all the times, all the peoples, but most of all, WE WANT YOU, Lord Jesus!

Blessed by a Poet

When it’s over, I want to say all my life I was a bride married to amazement.

-Mary Oliver

Have you read Mary Oliver’s writing? I love that image of “I was a bride married to amazement.” The LORD God Almighty has filled our world with truly amazing creations. I cannot fathom how a person can walk around with open eyes and not see the creation with amazement.

Almost 53 years ago I was a bride.

I was amazed at the wonder of my betrothed, Robert M Dutina. I was amazed at the goodness of God in creation, thus married in the park. I knew no building could contain the God I worship. I have continued to be amazed at all my life has been filled with. Both happy and sad.

Always, though, always I have been married to amazement.

Amazed at not only the nasturtiums above, but the next one, too!

One flower filled with sunshine and a glorious land snail in my very own side garden. The first year we were married we had a two track driveway outside our dining window. Someone had planted nasturtiums down the center. They have been dear to my heart ever since!

And just now! One pileated woodpecker flying over my front yard singing as it goes. Yes, married to amazement.

When Amazement asked if I would be married to it, I gave a resounding Yes!!

The Shack

Have you read the book or seen the movie?

When it was first published it was quite controversial. Many have found solace and understanding of the Trinity from this book and the subsequent movie.

“So what do I do now?” asked Mack. Jesus replied “What you’re already doing, Mack, learn to live loved. It’s not an easy concept for humans. You have a hard time sharing anything.” He chuckled and continued, “So yes, what we desire is for you to ‘re-turn’ to us, and then we come and make our home inside you, and then we share. The friendship is real, not merely imagined. We’re meant to experience this life, your life, together, in a dialogue, sharing the journey. You get to share in our wisdom and learn to love with our love, and we get …. to hear you grumble and gripe and complain, and …”

The Shack Page 174-175 by Paul Young

The subtitle on the book reads “You are never as alone as you think.”

If you have not read it check your local library. Or try to get the DVD or movie through Hoopla at the library. It will certainly have you thinking about your relationship with the Trinity and their work in your life. Well worth your time and in my opinion, something to give you a good long think!

The most difficult thing about the Christian concept of the Trinity is that there is no way to perfectly and completely understand it. The Trinity is a concept that is impossible for any human being to fully understand, let alone explain. God is infinitely greater than we are; therefore, we should not expect to be able to fully understand Him. The Bible teaches that the Father is God, that Jesus is God, and that the Holy Spirit is God. The Bible also teaches that there is only one God. Though we can understand some facts about the relationship of the different Persons of the Trinity to one another, ultimately, it is incomprehensible to the human mind. However, this does not mean the Trinity is not true or that it is not based on the teachings of the Bible.

https://www.gotquestions.org/Trinity-Bible.html

The Shack is just one interpretation of the Trinity. No one person knows for certain how to teach and understand the complex nature of what we worship.

LORD, help our lack of understanding. Lead us deeper to Your heart. Help us learn to live as loved. Amen.

Verb?

Multiple times I have run across this idea that God is not a noun. God is a verb. Of course, I did not note the places where I first began to hear this. Trying to resource it on-line led to several authors. These are by no means exhaustive!

Perhaps the most commented upon is a book by Rabbi David A. Cooper entitled “God is a Verb.” He bases his book upon studies of the Kabbalah, a branch of mystical Judaism. He writes about God as a verb and our ‘co-partnering in God-ing.’

And as Jason Derr at Huffington Post writes,

God is not a force who acts on the world through coercion, violence or the suspension of physics and free will. God is a verb, an action we bring to the world to make love, justice, mercy, joy and goodness known.

Jason Derr, contributor at Huffington Post

This quote challenges the conventional understanding of God as a fixed entity or concept, suggesting that God should be perceived as an active and dynamic force or presence in the world.

https://www.rarequote.com/god-is-a-verb-not-a-noun-r-buckminster-fuller

When I was re-reading my notes from The Shack I was only mildly surprised to find this one from Page 204!

My very essence is a verb. I am more attuned to verbs than nouns. Verbs such as confessing, repenting, living, loving, responding, growing, reaping, changing, sowing, running, dancing, singing, and on and on. Humans, on the other hand, have a knack for taking a verb that is alive and full of grace and turning it into a dead noun or principle that reeks of rules: something growing and alive dies. Nouns exist because there is a created universe and physical reality, but if the universe is only a mass of nouns, it is dead. Unless ‘I am,’ there are no verbs, and verbs are what makes the universe alive.”

The Shack by William P. Young

Certainly this gives us each food for thought. I will likely never be able to not personalize my relationship with God. Call it anthropomorphism if you want. Just how I was raised and at 72 years old likely too late to undo the thinking. But all of this does make me think hard about the idea. How about you?

There was a statement not long ago saying, “Your God is too small.” Yes! What if our concept of God is not BIG enough? A creation that continues to expand, unfold? I am not certain about any of the arguments for or against this. I do know that the LORD shows me things I never knew before. I want to interact with the participating presence of the Holy One in whatever way I am asked to interact. Will you yield to that?

Lay Your Burdens Down

On my way to prayer time one morning I heard this song in my heart.

The song makes it sound easy. Check your shame at the door. Lay your burdens down. The true story is we must be willing to let go of those things.

In 1678 John Bunyan published “The Pilgrim’s Progress.” The main character, Christian, carried a burden in the story. This is an allegory of Christian life, “a symbolic vision of the good man’s pilgrimage through life.” There are characters and monsters, difficulties and challenges. Christian carries a heavy burden on his back. All these things occur on his way to the Celestial City.

Christian RAN, but not without great difficulty, because of the heavy load on his back. He ran on thus until he came to a place where there was a hill, and upon that hill stood a Cross; and a little below, at the bottom was a sepulcher.

Modern English edition of Pilgrim’s Progress

Sepulcher means a burial vault, tomb or grave.

“So I saw in my dream that just as Christian came up to the Cross, his burden fell off his shoulders and back, and began to tumble, until it came to the mouth of the sepulcher, where it fell in, and I saw it no more!”

Modern English edition of Pilgrim’s Progress

My question is why do we have to be urged to lay our burdens down? It seems too often we enjoy punishing ourselves for faults and failures. As if we could be the ultimate judge of our own character! Perhaps our burdens “for” others is truly just our desire to control and direct their paths as if we think ourselves omniscient?

Bunyan encourages us to give our burdens over to the cross and the empty tomb. Let your burden roll away and be seen no more. Let the Christ of the Cross take care of you and your burdens. He is more than able.

If we released all that burden-carrying energy into simple love and adoration of Christ our relationship with God would truly change.

Until we reach the Celestial City we are kept by our Father. The indwelling Spirit can check our behavior with a conviction that is beyond any church doctrine or moral code. The Holy One can lead and guide us, protect and correct us if we are willing to come under the authority given from heaven.

Perhaps this is a challenge that can lead you into a new phase of your spiritual life? Here is the song Christian sang at the end of this chapter.

"Thus far did I come laden with my sin;
Nor could anything ease the grief that I was in.
Until I came here, What a place is this!
This must be the beginning of my bliss!

"For here, the burden fell from off my back,
And here, the chains that bound it to me, did crack!
Blessed cross! Blessed sepulcher! Blessed rather be,
The Man who there, was put to shame for me!"

Discipline of Self Examination

When I was in formation as a Third Order Franciscan I was introduced to the discipline called Self Examination. It was difficult for me to learn as my family of origin thrived on criticism and negativity. Learning to look at myself kindly was hard as that inner critic, so firmly planted as a child, had a nasty condemning voice.

Saint Ignatius put an emphasis on “self examen” and taught a simple way to approach it with little or no condemnation. Recently I have been reading the series by Sharon Garlough Brown entitled “Sensible Shoes.”

Using her ideas from Page 178 and what I have learned over the years about self examination I have begun to do this practice with some regularity. The Franciscan formation notes teach about using self examination as we look at self-denial. Not eating chocolate is not what is meant by self-denial. It is more “a way for us to get out of God’s way, to put aside our own limited concept of ‘self’ in order to embrace a more complete self-hood in Christ. This is the discipline of saying ‘no’ to oneself by putting God first.”

I can imagine some of you are asking, “Say what?!?!”

I will just post the outline I have been using and pray that answers most of your questions. You will understand the process best if you actually use it for yourself for a few days, weeks, or months.

These are some questions you can adapt and use in examen:

  • When were you aware of God’s presence today? When did you sense God’s absence?
  • When did you respond to God with love, faith, and obedience? When did you resist or avoid God?
  • When did you feel most alive and energized? When did you feel drained, troubled or agitated?

Examen 1. Place yourself in God’s presence. Give thanks for God’s great love for you. 

2. Pray for the grace to understand how God is acting in your life. 

3. Review your day — recall specific moments and your feelings at the time. 

4. Reflect on what you did, said, or thought in those instances. Were you drawing closer to God, or further away? 

5. Look toward tomorrow — think of how you might collaborate more effectively with God’s plan. Be specific.

When did I resist You?

Do you see how the inner critic is mostly silenced through this method? I must confess I have great difficulty doing this in the evening. I have never been good at evening prayer, etc. mostly due to the medications I take that make me very drowsy come evening. So I do this in the morning hours.

As you begin the practice it is a helpful way to try to keep in touch with the LORD throughout the day. Brother Lawrence instructed that we talk to God all day long. St. Francis lived that method of worship. We make notes all day, mentally, on our phones or on paper, about things we need to do. Why not makes notes about God, too?

As stated, this is a discipline. It does not seem inviting at first, but as the Word says,

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Hebrews 12:11 ESV

Just to let you know, I had not done my self examen this morning. I stopped just now and did it for myself. It does not matter if you use all the suggestions above or just some of them. The point is to look at yourself and examine your behaviors and attitudes in comparison to the Lord and what He is leading you towards.

Take the time for this. It is so worthwhile!

Yikes

This week for me holds appointment to get new orthotics and shoes. I do not meet the medicare criteria even though diabetic. Thus, the appointment will be self-pay.

Another appointment for physical therapy. Only opening was during my writing time Tuesday. Good thing I worked ahead!

Another appointment for check up with internist. Are you getting the picture?

We have a dinner to celebrate someone turning 82.

There is an ice cream social with another small group. Figure 20 some folks.

I have been taking Imodium AGAIN this morning. Fear to eat and headache that comes with that running to the bathroom. So back to Tylenol.

So far, Monday has brought a lousy week here.

But, who me? Complain?!? Yep, that’s me.

When my son was very young I was cleaning the bathroom one day and thanked God that I could kneel before HIS throne and not just the one in the bathroom. This week I likely have the cleanest ceramic throne on the entire street!

Grateful we have good medical care and can afford (so far) the things we need to pay for out of pocket. Wish doctors were not ‘practicing” on us and actually had some answers for some of this stuff.

Grumble, grumble old lady.

I am not as hearty as I think I am.

So how did it all work out? A week after I wrote the top part here is my report . New orthotics and shoes are on order. Physical therapy was not as painful as feared. I have done the exercises every day, so far. (Trying to be good for strength and healing.) At dinner for 82 year old I ate some food though not a good appetite. Regretted it the next day.

Saw the internist. He ordered oodles of tests. All the results came back normal. WHAT?!?! So what is the cause of all these bathroom runs? Might never know. He sent Rx for stronger than Imodium drug. Before I took even one dose it all stopped occurring. Thank You Lord.

Maybe eating a sampler (or flight) of ice cream flavors healed me? If only that were true!

So 2-1/2 weeks of the green apple quick trots and I am fine now. Truly. My friend with sciatic pain is still suffering. Bob’s lungs are enjoying clear air this morning after lightning storm moved through last night. They say we are to have rain storms today. Part of me is hoping so.

Pain since Thanksgiving in shoulder is not gone, but no longer consuming all of my attention. Lifting things carefully and trying to use it more than last number of months.

Tonight is Bob’s last meeting as an HOA board member. Tomorrow he works at the election. A draining week for him for certain.

John Eldredge reminds us in Resilient that these are this we are going through. Going through – not necessarily setting up housekeeping here. I am glad to know this in not my final home. I love that Scripture calls me an alien, a sojourner.

Dear friends, since you are immigrants and strangers in the world, I urge that you avoid worldly desires that wage war against your lives. 12 Live honorably among the unbelievers. Today, they defame you, as if you were doing evil. But in the day when God visits to judge they will glorify him, because they have observed your honorable deeds.

1 Peter 2: 11-13 CEB

Immigrants and strangers, just wish the locals would not share their green apple quick trots and other ailments with us! Okay, so it is a little out of context, but you get the idea I hope!

Life is hard she shouted!

Like Breath of God

Photo by Daiga Ellaby on Unsplash

Thus am I, a feather on the breath of God.

Hildegard of Bingen

I heard this quote many years ago at a retreat. I was so inspired I actually collected feathers and made some note cards with the quote.

What does it mean? The breath of God is a powerful thing. Can you be as moveable as a loose feather? Can you be willing to go where He asks you to go?

This quote is from a blog, written by Jean Wise, (interesting name!) She was so succinct that I cannot improve on her writing!

God calls each of us to be His feather – responding to where He calls us. To be responsive to His nudges. To be open to His grace.

 I want to live as a feather. Not burdened down with the heavy concerns of my heart, but focused, surrendered, dependent entirely on God for every moment. Ah, to be a feather. What a lovely image this is.

https://healthyspirituality.org/a-feather-on-the-breath-of-god-hildegard/
Photo by Hari Singh Tanwar on Unsplash


I pray a gentle breath from God is all it takes to move me. I hope I can be a feather under His direction, doing His bidding.

Move Your Mind

Yesterday was tremendously difficult. Bob and I were both struggling with frustrating chores and situations. Then I snapped at him and things got even worse. I had to really work to get my brain and soul into a better, calmer place. There was nothing earth shattering, except great difficulty mentally and spiritually. I apologized for my outburst. He forgave me and the day went on.

This morning on a podcast I heard an interviewee tell the moderator that with his broadcast he casts a ray of sunshine on an otherwise dark network of podcasts, social media, etc. I thought, “You know, that is that is what I try to do with this blog. A ray of sunshine in an otherwise dark world.” Then I returned to my desk and lying open was the following paragraph written by John Eldredge in Resilient.

Photo by Rocco Caruso on Unsplash

Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, right and pure, lovely ad admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise (Philippians 4:8). Think about something beautiful, something that reminds you of the goodness of God. A place you love. A sweet memory. Something in nature. Something that makes you smile.

Now stay with that today.

Resilient by Eldredge Page 172

Even when things are terrible, we have the ability to move our minds to other places. We can cry out to Jesus and ask the Holy Spirit to help us. Nothing is easy when the warfare is raging against us. There are times I think for the Christian in this day and age nothing is easy period.

The chorus from the following song was rolling around in me this morning. I pray that if you come upon a warfare struggle like what I faced yesterday you can move towards Jesus and not away.

Lord I give you my heart
I give you my soul, I live for you alone
Every breath that I take
Every moment I'm awake
Lord have your way in me
Have your way
Recorded by Hillsong music, written by Reuben Timothy Morgan, 2002