When I am trying to cope with unrelenting pain I often tell Bob it is as if I am being ground to powder. Reading Elisabeth Elliot’s book A Path Through Suffering I was blessed by her paraphrase of Job 7:19, 10:8-9.

Can’t you take your eyes off me? Won’t you leave me alone long enough to swallow my spit? You shaped me and made me; now you’ve turned to destroy me. You kneaded me like clay, now you’re grinding me to a powder.

Elisabeth Elliot

Unless you have endured pain that will not let up, no matter what you do or medication you may swallow, you might not get the idea of being ground to powder. It is as if every fiber of your being that was once solid, is being changed to powder, without substance, mere dust.

Early in my diagnosis of chronic illness I came across this quote. It has helped me endure some hours of ceaseless pain, turning loose of my clenched senses and releasing myself to the loving light of my Savior.

O God, 
grant that I may understand that it is You
who are painfully parting the fibers of my being
in order to penetrate to the very marrow
of my substance and
bear me away within Yourself. 
-Teilhard de Chardin, SJ

While reading the last few days I was reminded (I do not remember in which book) that from dust we came and to dust we will return. Of course, you remember that Jesus also performed a miraculous healing by spitting and mixing it with dust, then rubbing it on a man’s eyes. (John 9) So why not use dust to awaken me to His presence and power even in the midst of pain. Even if it be the dust I call myself?

When you feel as if life is grinding you down to a powder how do you respond? Or do you just react? Elisabeth says of Job on page 52 “A living proof of a living faith was required, not only for Job’s friends, but for unseen powers in high places. Job’s suffering provided the context for a demonstration of trust. … To us who have the New Testament, it would seem that Job had very little to go on, yet he kept on talking to God.”

Job kept on talking to God, even when things looked bleak. In Job 13:15a Job declared, “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.” Have you come to that extent of trust? Have you placed your all on the altar and left it there for God to use as He sees fit?

I had a friend named Char. She was slowly dying of lung cancer. I met her when I was giving a series of group lessons in crochet. She wanted to speak to me alone. We met several times at her house. One thing she really wanted the answer to had to do with prayer. She told me she talked to God all day long about everything. She asked me if she was “doing prayer right.” I assured her that nothing would please the Father more than to be included in every aspect of our life. Elliot pointed out that “Job kept on talking to God.” Are you continually talking to God? Do you invite Him in to your thoughts and activities throughout the day? Once your morning prayers and devotionals are over are you finished with God?

Perhaps my favorite image of dust is captured in this poem from 1989. Pray That I Don’t Panic © 1989   Molly Lin Dutina

	If I let myself feel the pain will I become intoxicated with the pain?  
Overwhelmed by the pain
will my life then become JUST PAIN with no other 
sensation, value, or purpose?  
Will I be consumed with gauging the pain
sitting in the pain
walking in the pain?
All my perceptions dulled except to pain
	under pain
	in pain
	pain through and through
	pain behind me
	ahead of me pain
	on all sides of me pain
	above me
	beneath me
		life reduced 
		to pain
	in every cell pain
Sleeplessness because of pain
Restless when sleeping due to pain
	
If I acknowledge the pain will I have
	fortitude and courage to live beyond the pain,  
Somehow given grace to override the pain,
	not censor it 
	ignore it 
	deny it 
but live a life in the midst of pain
always haunted by pain?
	Pain of bone deterioration,  
random muscle pain,
unwarranted from any strain or excess.

Pain my life
drugged or not
my partner
companion in my genes
product of ancestral history or just misfortune?
	
	For years my life has been
pain denial pain drugs pain hope pain drained-of-hope pain denial
I am afraid that no, 
	the pain will never end, or, even worse,
	the pain will increase 
	envelop, dictate, control my life.

There, I've written it.  Many marvel that I'm so busy
try to accomplish so much.  
They are not acquainted 
with my relentless task master 
who drives me on with fear
that my capacity to accomplish anything 
will one day be diminished to near zero.

Jesus awoke in the boat and said, "Why are you so afraid?"

	Yet then, 
	through Him, I'll arise 
a phoenix intercessor on behalf of God's children 
engaged perhaps in the biggest battle of life to date.
A supreme calling more valuable than my do-ings.  
With bones cracking, muscles aching, nerves shooting 
red hot signals to nowhere and everywhere
	outer body diminishing
	while inner woman draws upon her experience with 
the living, dynamic, omnipotent Father and
	she is renewed, remade in His image,
	inhabited daily, hourly,
 in every cell of her being
	by Holy Spirit
	overshadowed, indwelt
	in spite of all this carnal container can develop -
a woman of God
	passing through
	journeying towards home
	where all sorrow, all tears, and
	all pain will be no more.
Forever inhabited by Holy Spirit
	in rapturous adoration
	of His glory
	peace
	and mercy.
Even so, Lord Jesus,
I offer myself a living sacrifice unto You. 
Renew my mind according to the word 
and transform even this pain.


The ogre crumbles,
	rivulets of plaster dust
	falling from its once daunting facade
		gathering in powder clumps
			     revealing its paltry nature.



1 Peter 4:19 encourages us to "entrust yourself to your faithful Creator." I pray you and I will both do this constantly regardless of how we feel.