There have been times the last few weeks when I was uncertain that I could take a deep breath. Wounding words have been flung at me with no explanation of their origin, seemingly no possibility of reconciliation that makes any healthy sense. Only texting offered. Most of us know you cannot resolve conflict with texting alone. I am always amazed at how the Lord can reach me even when I seem to be in a dark and dismal place. Recently (and often) He does it through the books I read.
Jodi Picoult wrote Wish You Were Here. This new novel is about life during the Covid pandemic, dreams and adventure, along with the horror of being a doctor treating Covid in NYC. In it she spoke of how land iguanas adapted to sea life. “Their lungs got bigger so they could take deeper breaths and sink deeper.”
Lord God, expand my lungs and help me to go deeper in prayer and center down silence, that peaceful place where You speak to my soul. I cannot change or fix the troubling situation, but I can draw nearer to You for comfort and wisdom and direction.
Again, Jodi wrote, “You can’t move forward without losing something.”
Perhaps lose the fantasy about what I wanted, the person I thought was under my roof? Get clear about the reality of who that person was and has become?
Letting go, letting go, letting go, like leaves that fall all around me in autumn. Nothing I can accomplish by clinging. Just let go and be at peace.
Each previous wounding episode I would say, “Take another step back, back away. Nothing more I can do here.” And so perhaps the time has come to truly step away and turn loose of all hopes, dreams, plans in relation to this person? In case you are wondering, Bob and I are just fine, thank you very much!
In 2018 I wrote about spending time with the Lord in our meeting place. Here is the poetry musing written in 2011 re-posted for your consideration.
This photo for my Trysting place is in the city. The treetop shows a dense shelter. The tree in the bustle of Southern California is meant to signify that I can go to my meeting place with the Risen Christ in any location.
I cannot take a camera to our trysting place My attempts to draw it are incomplete You meet me there in a sturdy platform room protected, sheltered, made from the wood of Your cross and also like the palm of Your hand where You fold Your wings of love around me
The wooden floor of the platform tree is always smooth and comfortable no splinters, fine weather leaves dancing in holy wind my joy to be there
I stand, lie, sit, sing, weep, wait and always You are there
Occasionally I must place myself upon the altar table Your soul correction treatments are swift and sweet when I yield to You I can make myself miserable imagining what might happen if I yield to you. Awfulizing is never a clear mirror of truth.
When I get centered in silence we often travel down the center of the trunk as if by elevator arriving at the stream of living water that nourishes the tree refreshes my soul brings to my being all things I need
My surrender to this trysting place is sometimes jagged, prolonged, not smooth or graceful
Yet once I give myself to the quiet and arrive I always ponder what spawned my reluctance?
Eleven years trying to express this phenomenon and I am still not satisfied that I have gotten my experience across.
Like most of us, the siblings above seem to be asking, “Now what?” We usually expect something negative or ornery or at minimum unexpected when family gathers. As we carry this worrisome aspect around we more often than not lose sight of the power of God to change and rearrange things.
When we recently traveled to the beach I was quieted to realize again God is in control, even when I might not sense His control. If only I will accept His love and power over my life, I can come to a place of rest instead of expecting turmoil.
And the men marvelled, saying, What manner of man is this, that even the winds and the sea obey him?
How many playground rhymes do you remember? Some of these popped into my brain this week. If I am ever in a nursing home wing for Alzheimer’s I hope these songs and rhymes help restore me to some form of sanity. (Here Bob might chuckle “Sanity is too much to hope for even today!” Ever the tease. He is oldest of five kids. I’ve learned how to give it back!)
My Dad worked for the N & W railroad. Mom wasn’t the only one who sang in the car! Daddy taught us this one.
I left my wife
Alone in the kitchen
With 28 children
And nothing but gingerbread left
Left, left, right, left
Oh it ain't gonna rain no more no more
Ain't gonna rain no more
How in the heck can I wash my neck
if it ain't gonna rain no more?
I woke up in the morning
the bread was hard and stale
the coffee tasted like tobacco juice
from the US county jail, OH ( with gusto!)
So what poems or verses are in your memory bank?
A my name is Alice
and my husband's name is Al
we live in Alabama where we grow apples
How far in the alphabet did you get? Do you remember? Was this for jump rope or bouncing a ball against the wall and passing it under your knee when you hit the A words? Ah! memory lane can be fun sometimes.
“Each part of each life is a lesson.” Some of us never realize this; however, some of us learn and cherish the lessons and move on.
To me “things learned in darkness” are unknown by most other people yet known to God. Others have no clue what you have endured or struggled with. Frankly, there are few on earth who would still love and accept you if they knew your struggles. Each of us is quick to judge others. God knows all about us. Palm 139:1-7 NIV says:
You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
God knows. This is what omniscient means: “One having complete or unlimited knowledge, awareness, or understanding.” He also knows our struggles in the dark.
even the darkness is not dark to You;
the night is as bright as the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
Psalm 139:12 NRSV
My struggles are often against things from the past. Sins done both by me and to me. Things said about me that were never corrected by the speaker. Things I have wrestled with God about. Things I have wrestled with against the rulers, authorities, cosmic powers of this present darkness and spiritual forces of evil. (Ephesians 6:12 NRSV) There are also struggles in the present. Keeping my tongue in check. Being kind when it is habitual to lash against others. Staying the course, choosing to walk in the Light of Christ even when chronic illness crushes me.
Each of us faces struggles on the earth with other earthlings and with those wicked forces of evil. With Jesus and the indwelling Holy Spirit we can overcome those forces. We must be willing to endure the warfare. We must be willing to put on our armor and go into the fight. If not, the battles can continue to wage in and about us all of our lives. The same old, same old, over and over and over again.
People see you on the outside. For the most part, they do not know what struggles you have faced in your soul and spirit. But the Father sees. He is willing to come alongside you with the Spirit and the Son for each skirmish.
When I taught a Bible study on the women’s unit at the Hamilton County Justice Center I wore a button telling the women I was “not as innocent as I looked.” And I am not as innocent as I look today. God, Who reads the heart, knows what each of us have endured, as well as what each of us has done. The Word says, “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for the Lord does not see as mortals see; they look on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7 NRSV
We are all broken. We each have need of the Holy Healer and Savior.
Rescue
Lauren Daigle
You are not hidden
There's never been a moment
You were forgotten
You are not hopeless
Though you have been broken
Your innocence stolen
I hear you whisper underneath your breath
I hear your SOS, your SOS
I will send out an army to find you
In the middle of the darkest night
It's true, I will rescue you
There is no distance
That cannot be covered
Over and over
You're not defenseless
I'll be your shelter
I'll be your armor
I hear you whisper underneath your breath
I hear your SOS, your SOS
I will send out an army to find you
I doubt if there are many readers who have not had a similar experience. Perhaps before Lent ends this year you can walk through some of those situations asking Jesus to hold your hand and give you insight and understanding towards how to dismantle these painful memories. He is willing to walk with you. Are you willing to expose these unresolved situations to His light and power?
We are in “Holy Week,” the time we Christians focus upon what Jesus endured for our sake and the victory He gained for us. As Matilda Kipfer would ask you, “Did He die in vain? …” regarding your deliverance from the tormenter? Our best life is lived moment by moment in His resurrection power. Twelve steppers know this. Forgiveness. Letting go of wounds and hurts. Releasing those who are “living rent-free in your head.” This letting go idea was known long before the “Frozen” song was popular! That did not come along until much later. The idea has been around for eons.
If you want to drink deeply from the streams of joy and love you may with God’s help. It is best done without the burdens of the Unresolved hanging about your neck.
On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and proclaimed, “If any one thirst, let him come to me and drink. 38 He who believes in me, as the scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart shall flow rivers of living water.’” 39 Now this he said about the Spirit, which those who believed in him were to receive; for as yet the Spirit had not been given, because Jesus was not yet glorified.
John 7:37-39 RSV
Granted it would be difficult to illustrate or photograph you getting a drink from the river of Living Water flowing out of your own heart, but you can imagine the refreshment that this young man is gaining from this water. There are times when we thirst for God and this poem illustrates one way to let go of the warfare and enjoy the provision Christ has made for us.
Reading the poetry of Mary Oliver I found this concise stunning description of those roots …
except underfoot, moldering in that black subterranean castle
Of unobservable mysteries – roots and sealed seed
And the wanderings of water
Mary Oliver Fall Song from her American PrimitiveCollection
“Black subterranean castle” I just love that!
That is why she won a Pulitzer Prize for poetry. Makes me not want to post my stuff. But I know each of us has talents and must be willing to share those!
I was recently challenged by lines on a TV series of all things! “Newsflash! Life isn’t fair.” “Try to DO something about it.” “You can’t win the fight unless you get back in the ring.” “We are the change we have been waiting for.”
The next morning, looking to the Lord, I composed this:
Through the window of the ages
Past the thick walls of time
Stands a symbol of death
Nay! Bright resurrection
Hope of all men
The rough stones placed
In geometrically sound patterns
Of worship, of honor, of praise
Roofless now
that heaven may freely break through
to us of long ages later
Arches , capstones, edges of time
Torn by the worship of long ago
Until our hearts are lifted up
To worship the same lovely truth
You came for us
You come to us still
To have us for Your own
Encircling with Spirit
Invading with Holy
Illumine our techno age
With truth of heaven
Power of Holy
Spirit of Life
Practicing the discipline my pastor suggested, as I listed the five things I am grateful for one morning, suddenly all this came to me. Hope you enjoy it.
photo by r m dutina
#5. Cloud and mist fabric drawn across the moon
all that light originated from the sun?
Gray then white then yellow, clot of black then blue
For my attention and entertainment? No, a lesson more true
"I desire truth in your inward parts
To reflect My glory you must be clean, steady, sure
Certain of My love for all
Wavering not from circumstances
Leaning into My light"
Clouds move off and I can barely look away
The brightness of Your Glory my delight
Clouds clear and brilliance increases
I watch as moon orbits incrementally behind the tree
I want to move the furniture
Lie here looking out the window
Yet even now the sun is rising and moon will seem to go
Scour my being Father that I might reflect
Your brilliant glory, certain and true.
"Beware lest feeding feral cats from pity
You actually nourish marauding coyotes
Dimming the beauty of your intention
Encouraging the destruction of your very soul"
You parted the veil from before my eyes
Help me to keep Your glory in my remembrance forever.
Sun rises higher
Brilliant white moon beckons
Cream colored clouds move in thickly
My soul knows what it witnessed
Your power glows across the universe
Regardless of my momentary ability to see.
Enemies of my soul say, "Nothing to see here. Move along."
My heart ever held in Your nail scarred hand
I spend my life to declare Your glory.
I am always amazed when this stuff comes to me. Coyotes, like the prowling lion seeking whom he may devour? We have coyotes in this neighborhood. A pack prowls the street every morning just before dawn. Likely other times, too. I was giving Lucky her last outdoor stroll the other night and she noticed something at the end of the street. I could not see a thing. She would not take her eyes off the end of the street. She even growled which is atypical of her!
photo by r m dutina
You desire truth in the inward being; therefore teach me wisdom in my secret heart.
Psalm 51:6 NRSV
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith
1 Peter 5:8-9 NIV
Yes, Lord, I will have the courage to share. Bless the readers I pray.
Treasures in Plain Sight, A Christian Blog 