Focus is defined as the main or central point of something, especially of attention or interest. Over 45 years ago Bob and I were driving around Kentucky. As usual he was taking photos. After he snapped the one below I commented, “Oh I can’t wait to see how that horse comes out!” He responded, “What horse?”
I said, “Why the horse in the barn!”
“I didn’t see any horse,” he said.
“Didn’t you see the galvanized tub hanging out the side of the barn for the horse to drink from?” I asked.
“No. I just took a photo of the barn!”
As we drove on down the road I said, “Well, when you develop and print those photos you will see the horse. I thought it made the picture special.”
Amazing how people can look at the very same thing and see totally different items. Was it focus or observation? Now fifty years into the marriage we continue to focus and observe different things even when we are in the very same setting. I find that continuously amazing!
Ever since sliding to the garage floor on an unsecured ladder at about age 6 or 8 I have feared heights. When I heard on the news in 2017 about this guy climbing in Yosemite National Park without ropes to secure him I was terrified on his behalf. Bob had taken me to visit Yosemite on one of our many trips to California. I knew the height of those summits. In my eyes he attempted and accomplished the impossible. In this short but entertaining eleven minute talk you can learn more about him in his own words.
He said, “Doubt is the precursor of fear.” On the video I watched as he climbed Half Dome inch by inch. I remembered Peggy Snapp telling me ‘Life by the mile is a trial. Life by the inch is a cinch.’ In the documentary Alex told how he practiced for years. He practiced the handholds going up the rock face with ropes before he tried the free solo ascents.
Before trying the most sensational solo climb he literally practiced for ten years. And now, my challenge is becoming more clear. Am I willing to practice letting pain draw me into God’s Presence even if it takes ten years to feel as if I have accomplished that? Am I willing to return to the Lord over and over again, asking forgiveness for complaining and grace to begin again? The Benedictines say, “Always, we begin again.” They put that truth in a minimum of words and I thank them for that reminder!
Through imagination and practice can I desensitize myself to the disappointment of returning chronic pain? Am I willing to try? Discipline and practice. Oh those do not come easily. Can I become as unflappable and steady as Pat M.W.? Will I push back on the gloom laden cloud of discouragement that often threatens to enshroud me? Am I truly willing to let Jesus in me increase and ask that I decrease, making more space for His rule and reign?
In Full Catastrophe Living, Jon Kabat-Zin writes about the research and findings from teaching heart patients and cancer patients the practice of mindfulness for pain relief and stress relief.
I have the meditation recordings from this book. I used to own the book, but when we moved I let it go. Will I choose to listen to these recordings and bring myself from the panic of nerve pain to the centered life of returning and rest?
Lord, I do not expect to be a world record breaking solo climber. I do not seek any recognition at all. I simply want to live for You, to love and serve You and not be consumed by the physical sensations of my aging body. Help me to, like Paul, choose to “boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
“Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with carousing, drunkenness and the anxieties of life, and that day will close on you suddenly like a trap. For it will come on all those who live on the face of the whole earth.Be always on the watch, and pray that you may be able to escape all that is about to happen, and that you may be able to stand before the Son of Man.”
Luke 21:34-36 NIV
You do not have to be carousing or participating in drunkenness for your heart to be weighed down. The anxieties of life will do that. Man, don’t I know it’s so!?
Gratefulness does not come easy to us. “First world problems” can invade and weigh us down without our even being aware of it. Suddenly there is no joy, no lightness to life. Everything seems to be going wrong. Nothing is positive. Why do we let this happen to ourselves repeatedly? This was a battle I had to fight as we relocated. Then one day I realized that we were going to “Platform,” ‘our forever home.’ We talk about adopted dogs being given their forever home. Bob and I decided this house will be our forever home unless, God forbid, one of us has to go to a nursing home.
This Platform is where I hope to encounter the Lord in my final years on earth. This Platform is where I hope to graduate to be with Him forever. I am told to “Watch and Pray…” will I be faithful to do that little bit?
The Gospels of Matthew, Mark and Luke all exhort us to watch and pray. In Colossians, Paul tells us to devote ourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.
Sadly we are like the dog character from the movie “Up” who flips his brain and attention every time he senses a “Squirrel.”
There is more at stake here than pleasing an old man who is his master. This discipline will help us to escape all that is about to happen. When Peter lost his focus upon Jesus he began to sink in the stormy water. If we want to ‘be able to stand before the Son of Man” at the end of our earthly life, we must take this discipline seriously. I am not preaching at you. I am reminding myself, too. Nothing good comes from negative, ungrateful thinking; only trouble and the possibility of going under when we should be walking on the heights.
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
Ephesians 6:10-13
Verse 18b reads “With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying …..” Will you take your stand today, keeping on watch and praying? We can choose to let prayer occupy our minds. I have one friend in her 80’s who prays the instant you tell her about something that has you ill at ease. Instead of commenting “Oh dear me” she just out loud goes to the Lord right then in prayer. Sometimes I get annoyed by her behavior, but gradually I am learning that she is exhibiting what I am called to. My annoyance is driven by my failure to do the same. Oops.
Lord, help us to take Your Word seriously. Open our hands to lay down the petty first world problems that want to take over our minds. We need Your help in order to devote ourselves to You. Be the first order of business in every hour of our lives. Help us to honor You, our Risen Lord, with our lips and with our lives. Amen.
So the inertia is gone (as too our energy) and our belongings are all set in a new house in different room layout and wow! The tablecloth was jerked away but only one or two things that we wrapped poorly were broken.
Here we are at 27 Platform. The sun just broke over the neighbor’s house. In a few minutes it will be caught in the living room window prism. An entire rainbow of opportunities lies before us.
The black bags are full of straw and scattered where ever the construction is going on to stop run off. The entrance has a lot still being built upon!
Imagine your life spread upon a picnic blanket. You have the picnic of tasty foods (or bucket of chicken). There is a small cooler of chilled drinks (be they alcoholic or non-alcoholic). There are serving pieces and napkins. Perhaps in one corner some bug repellant if you picnic in that sort of terrain. Everything is laid out for a lovely time of retirement.
Or in their case, just peanut butter sandwiches. He does not look impressed!
And then storm clouds roll in (call them Covid-19 and aging). For the picnic scenario, everything is hastily packed, albeit not as neatly as when you left home, the blanket is taken up and shaken to remove cut blades of grass and any critters and you run off to your vehicle.
2020- 2021 was similar for my husband and me. We were holding our own against Covid-19 entering our household. We wore masks, washed our hands, kept our distance from others and prayed for no infection. There was less success with the aging challenge. We were comfy in our ranch on the edge of the woods; however, the steps to the basement proved an increasing challenge for reaching the laundry, sewing room, storage and work bench area.
Those factors worked together to motivate us to shake off our inertia. (inertia: Resistance or disinclination to motion, action, or change OR tendency of a body at rest to remain at rest unless acted upon by an outside force.) I had been putting forth the idea since 2019 that we need to downsize before we get any older!
The search began for a newer ranch house with a laundry room located on the ground floor. There just was no available real estate fitting that description! So, we were led to build a new house with those requirements. We did not pack up hastily as with the thunderstorm image, but we did pack up, give away, throw away, donate, store a little bit and basically pare down all our belongings!
We found a small new subdivision, with mostly retired but not totally older folks. Sidewalks and the ability to walk to the post office. If we change banks we can walk to the bank, too. Best of all an award-winning donut shop is within walking distance, too!
Around 2013 I copied this from a library book. I have tried to find the title and author online and cannot, thus I have no author to credit.
These are not based on 12 Steps, but steps for coping.
Accept the fact of having chronic pain. (That is enough to make one gag.)
Set specific goals for work, hobbies and social activities toward which you will work.
Let yourself get angry at your pain if it seems to be getting the best of you.
Take your analgesics on a strict time schedule, and then taper off as directed until you are no longer taking any.
Get in the best physical shape possible, and keep fit.
Learn how to relax, and practice relaxation techniques regularly.
Keep yourself busy.
Pace your activities.
Have your family and friends support only your healthy behavior, not your invalidism.
Be open and reasonable with your doctor.
Practice effective empathy with others having pain problems.
Remain hopeful.
My first response after typing these steps is “I will with God’s help.” Over the years (since diagnosis in 1990s) I have tried to learn and practice these things. Would love to brag I have mastered them all. I have NOT!
Yep, something like this during a fibrmyalgia flare!
Like Paul I continue to try to learn to yield myself to God and stay responsible to bring my flesh under control. God will not magically take care of this for me. He requires my cooperation.
But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified.
1 Corinthians 9:27 NKJV
Along with my body, I must discipline my mind, my will and my emotions to bring honor to God as long as I live!
In the Episcopalian Book of Common Prayers you can find the Baptismal Covenant. After each declaration the congregation says, “I will with God’s help.” I believe that coping with chronic pain requires my focus upon the goals of this covenant too if I am to be truly successful.
Celebrant Will you continue in the apostles' teaching and
fellowship, in the breaking of the bread, and in the
prayers?
People I will, with God's help.
Celebrant Will you persevere in resisting evil, and, whenever
you fall into sin, repent and return to the Lord?
People I will, with God's help.
Celebrant Will you proclaim by word and example the Good
News of God in Christ?
People I will, with God's help.
Celebrant Will you seek and serve Christ in all persons, loving
your neighbor as yourself?
People I will, with God's help.
Celebrant Will you strive for justice and peace among all
people, and respect the dignity of every human
being?
People I will, with God's help.
May the Lord bless you as you face your own struggles. We are all broken and need His help!
Consistent self-care is not selfish. Consistent self-care for me is a holy obligation. "These skills protect us by building inner resilience that shields us from most problems and enables us to bounce back from the rest." Just do your best and lean hard upon the Lord.
So we moved and by the second day, May 13, I had trashed my back. Really did it the worse than ever before. That slowed down unpacking for certain! I had lots and lots of help, but I did not pace myself well, I did not remember not to bend over. I did lots of things wrong. Degenerative disc disease is one of the reasons we moved. On June 15 I had another epidural. Trying to behave now. Time will tell if that is all the treatment I need. Please pray for me!
Hope those coping steps help any of you who also suffer from chronic pain. Twelve step programs often repeat, "It works if you work it!"
Considering the computers, tv, wifi system, etc. all have to be disconnected, packed, unpacked and reconnected you might not hear from me for a while. But wait! through the magic of the Word Press Cloud I could write and store and schedule until my strength runs out! That is how the posts usually come to you. I typically write on Monday and Tuesday morning. This week Tuesday will be running to various places like T-Mobile. Energy is not in abundance right now. So in case you don’t see posts for a while, remember to lift us in prayer regarding the move.
During 15 years a couple can accumulate a bunch of stuff. We have given away, thrown away and donated items for months now. We also know that once we begin to unpack we are likely to unload even more items. When you pack things up and get them out of sight for several months it is amazing what you can live without!
I have also been missing my wall calendar (I know, so old fashioned). The magnifying mirror from the bathroom wall has been absent since Bob patched and repaired practically every single nail in every single room.
He is such a hard worker. I have no idea how I would ever accomplish most things without him. We often debate who will die first. If he goes first I get a Corgi. They make me smile. Been told they kill sweepers with their constant shedding. Anything to make me smile during the grief of losing my husband would be invaluable. Fifty years of marriage and counting. We are amazed!
They say corgi puppies look like potatoes on legs.
Speaking of dogs, I let Lucky off the leash inside the new house for the first time last Sunday! She pranced around as if to say “Oh, I get it now!” She has been going in the house since it was just studs, no walls. Soon she will have an enormous closet in the master bedroom to sleep in when it storms! I will set up a water bowl for her Saturday before we get her from the kennel.
There she is, coming out of hallway to laundry and Master Suite!
We area moving eight miles, one zip code away, undoing 15 years of settling in this place. We are calling Platform Street our last home unless we get moved to a nursing home some day (hoping not!).
Even to your old age and gray hairs
I am He, I am He who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
Isaiah 46:4
Yes, Lord, we look to You to sustain us, carry us and rescue us from ourselves. Even as we enter our old age and lose more gray hairs! We trust You with all of our lives, Most High God.
This seemed to show up for a few folks. I am sending it again for those who did not receive it. Hope it strengthens your faith.
When I used to mingle with some folks they would speak of their life verses from the Bible. I have those, but what I want to examine here are sayings or sentences that have influenced my faith life over the years.
How often I am walking outdoors and a feather comes on the breeze. At times it is from a bird on the roof or in a tree. Most times I cannot locate the source of the feather. Can you imagine yourself as that feather?
“‘Held by God … like a feather which has no weight from its own strength and lets itself be carried by the wind” – so wrote the medieval mystic, Hildegard of Bingen. Her image of a feather lightly floating on the wind is more than spiritual poetry; it gives us a way to live. Being like a feather on the wind is particularly necessary in these difficult days that teeter-totter two millennia.”
-Unknown
This one came from my struggles to obey the Lord my God regardless of circumstances.
Constant peaceful yielded joyful obedience to the Almighty.
I have made alphabet-beaded bracelets in so many forms to remind me of this. In the Old Testament the believers were told to take the commandments of God and “Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates.” Deuteronomy 6:8-9 So I have worn them, recited them, shared a few with friends, lost a few bracelets and made a few more. Recently I shipped most of my collection to my friends in Nepal.
One year tired of hearing myself complain about chronic pain I wrote the following and posted it on the bathroom mirror.
“I have determined that this day, each time I am drawn up short by pain, I will praise You for I love You better than life – even better than quality of life.”
I so needed to type these out this week, especially about being drawn up short by pain and what reaction I will choose. Chronic pain never takes a vacation, but God is ever-present and loves me. When I was first diagnosed I heard Him say, “I will be with you in this.” What could be better than to have the Lord with you?
When we moved here 15 years ago we named the house “Treetops.” The driveway and front entrance are on the street level. The yard slopes down sharply so that the walkout and basement level and actually a story down. The upper story windows are almost level with the treetops. With the sloping yard it has always seemed larger than the dimensions.
After the backyard slope there is a small drainage ditch. Then our yard slopes up rather sharply and is covered with woods. We have enjoyed watching the seasons change and the wildlife that populate the woods, especially the birds.
Our new house is on a tiny level lot. The neighbors behind us have a sprinkling of trees. Kitchen, dining room and bedroom windows have the view there. Our windows on each side of the house look at the siding of the houses to our left and right. The office windows look out on the street. This will be a major change!!
So many major changes in store. I have been grieving the loss of this lovely home. And that grief is healthy. This has been a gorgeous place to live. We simply cannot do those stairs to the basement any longer.
One day this week our son gave me his Christmas gift to me. He dug up a few plants for us to take with us to the new house. They will not go in the ground until we get some sort of planting beds. At this point we are uncertain if we will even have sod before we move!
As Jeff dug, I walked around consoling myself that next year I can easily purchase pink bleeding heart and lily of the valley. See we have spent the last 15 years enjoying and improving our flower beds here. Funny, one rationale for moving 15 years ago was I could no longer take care of the flower beds because of arthritis. My husband and I spent 15 years making new flower beds here. I am shaking my head, “Go figure!” Guess as long as there is a spot to grow things I am unlikely to learn not to garden!
We will move to a little green house on Platform Street. What a place to launch last era of life! Fooling around with trying to think in haiku (to me, sparse words to contain broad thoughts) I recently wrote:
Loved living in treetops
Spring mornings I grieve
Packin' I land on the ground
Lot 49, soon to be 27 Platform Street!Gloomy day, but the rock work is done!
Since we began looking at moving, buying a house with laundry on the first floor, and finally realizing we would have to build to get that – my greatest fear has been what if one of us dies before we move in? With the pandemic and both of us health compromised it was not an outrageous fear. Now that we are both immunized and within 3 weeks of moving I have begun to breath much easier.
I was on YouTube looking to identify the sparrow in the tree outside the office when I came across this joke. It is SO fitting for our age and situation, though I do not play golf.
Too many sparrows and none recorded with the song I am hearing, but laughter is BEST and I think God approves!!
Treasures in Plain Sight, A Christian Blog 