Category: Memories

Posted on in Aging, Book quotes, Challenge, Faith, Journal, Just do it, Listen, Memories, Poetry, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Yield

Chronic Pain and Dust

When I am trying to cope with unrelenting pain I often tell Bob it is as if I am being ground to powder. Reading Elisabeth Elliot’s book A Path Through Suffering I was blessed by her paraphrase of Job 7:19, 10:8-9.

Can’t you take your eyes off me? Won’t you leave me alone long enough to swallow my spit? You shaped me and made me; now you’ve turned to destroy me. You kneaded me like clay, now you’re grinding me to a powder.

Elisabeth Elliot

Unless you have endured pain that will not let up, no matter what you do or medication you may swallow, you might not get the idea of being ground to powder. It is as if every fiber of your being that was once solid, is being changed to powder, without substance, mere dust.

Early in my diagnosis of chronic illness I came across this quote. It has helped me endure some hours of ceaseless pain, turning loose of my clenched senses and releasing myself to the loving light of my Savior.

O God, 
grant that I may understand that it is You
who are painfully parting the fibers of my being
in order to penetrate to the very marrow
of my substance and
bear me away within Yourself. 
-Teilhard de Chardin, SJ

Teilhard de Chardin

While reading the last few days I was reminded (I do not remember in which book) that from dust we came and to dust we will return. Of course, you remember that Jesus also performed a miraculous healing by spitting and mixing it with dust, then rubbing it on a man’s eyes. (John 9) So why not use dust to awaken me to His presence and power even in the midst of pain. Even if it be the dust I call myself?

When you feel as if life is grinding you down to a powder how do you respond? Or do you just react? Elisabeth says of Job on page 52 “A living proof of a living faith was required, not only for Job’s friends, but for unseen powers in high places. Job’s suffering provided the context for a demonstration of trust. … To us who have the New Testament, it would seem that Job had very little to go on, yet he kept on talking to God.”

Job kept on talking to God, even when things looked bleak. In Job 13:15a Job declared, “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.” Have you come to that extent of trust? Have you placed your all on the altar and left it there for God to use as He sees fit?

I had a friend named Char. She was slowly dying of lung cancer. I met her when I was giving a series of group lessons in crochet. She wanted to speak to me alone. We met several times at her house. One thing she really wanted the answer to had to do with prayer. She told me she talked to God all day long about everything. She asked me if she was “doing prayer right.” I assured her that nothing would please the Father more than to be included in every aspect of our life. Elliot pointed out that “Job kept on talking to God.” Are you continually talking to God? Do you invite Him in to your thoughts and activities throughout the day? Once your morning prayers and devotionals are over are you finished with God?

Perhaps my favorite image of dust is captured in this poem from 1989. Pray That I Don’t Panic © 1989   Molly Lin Dutina

	If I let myself feel the pain will I become intoxicated with the pain?  
Overwhelmed by the pain
will my life then become JUST PAIN with no other 
sensation, value, or purpose?  
Will I be consumed with gauging the pain
sitting in the pain
walking in the pain?
All my perceptions dulled except to pain
	under pain
	in pain
	pain through and through
	pain behind me
	ahead of me pain
	on all sides of me pain
	above me
	beneath me
		life reduced 
		to pain
	in every cell pain
Sleeplessness because of pain
Restless when sleeping due to pain
	
If I acknowledge the pain will I have
	fortitude and courage to live beyond the pain,  
Somehow given grace to override the pain,
	not censor it 
	ignore it 
	deny it 
but live a life in the midst of pain
always haunted by pain?
	Pain of bone deterioration,  
random muscle pain,
unwarranted from any strain or excess.

Pain my life
drugged or not
my partner
companion in my genes
product of ancestral history or just misfortune?
	
	For years my life has been
pain denial pain drugs pain hope pain drained-of-hope pain denial
I am afraid that no, 
	the pain will never end, or, even worse,
	the pain will increase 
	envelop, dictate, control my life.

There, I've written it.  Many marvel that I'm so busy
try to accomplish so much.  
They are not acquainted 
with my relentless task master 
who drives me on with fear
that my capacity to accomplish anything 
will one day be diminished to near zero.

Jesus awoke in the boat and said, "Why are you so afraid?"

	Yet then, 
	through Him, I'll arise 
a phoenix intercessor on behalf of God's children 
engaged perhaps in the biggest battle of life to date.
A supreme calling more valuable than my do-ings.  
With bones cracking, muscles aching, nerves shooting 
red hot signals to nowhere and everywhere
	outer body diminishing
	while inner woman draws upon her experience with 
the living, dynamic, omnipotent Father and
	she is renewed, remade in His image,
	inhabited daily, hourly,
 in every cell of her being
	by Holy Spirit
	overshadowed, indwelt
	in spite of all this carnal container can develop -
a woman of God
	passing through
	journeying towards home
	where all sorrow, all tears, and
	all pain will be no more.
Forever inhabited by Holy Spirit
	in rapturous adoration
	of His glory
	peace
	and mercy.
Even so, Lord Jesus,
I offer myself a living sacrifice unto You. 
Renew my mind according to the word 
and transform even this pain.


The ogre crumbles,
	rivulets of plaster dust
	falling from its once daunting facade
		gathering in powder clumps
			     revealing its paltry nature.



1 Peter 4:19 encourages us to "entrust yourself to your faithful Creator." I pray you and I will both do this constantly regardless of how we feel.
Posted on in Aging, Collection of Quotes, Family, Humor, Memories

Things We Say

At times I come across colloquial sayings I am totally unfamiliar with. I read the saying “Hell in spectacles” from No Country for Old Men by Cormack. I started the book when they announced he had died. I was unfamiliar with him as an author, so I got the book from the library. Shortly after starting it, I closed the book as it was too violent for me.

Were there sayings popular in your family?

Grandgirl Ellie said “Dojo” so much as a baby that her Dad began calling her DoJo.

“Falingos”, said Grandgirl Lizzie. She wanted to see flamingos.

Grandson Rowan asked if I wanted to play “Paarates.” Pirates.

I often say, “Earth to Molly, come in please. Ooh! No body home.” I can be such a space cadet.

“Little Molly make a mess!” No blame no shame, just clean it up.

My mother-in-law often said, “Fudge.” And at other times she reiterated, “Pussywillow.”

My best friend’s family would exclaim, “Crime in Itly!”

A New York City waiter told me, “Whaddaryagonnado?”

Another day same waiter said I should just “Fergedaboudit.”

How about at your house or among your friends?

To one friend I would exclaim, “Lord, have mercy!” His reply was “He already has.” His amused voice still rings in my ears 🙂

As a child Jeff asked me to buy “Woobea.” Finally figured out he meant Root Beer.

Emily liked to hear the “amblience” and watch the “ephelants.”

Beat around the bush, close but no cigar, shoot from the hip, a dime a dozen, that and a dime will get you a cup of coffee, in a nutshell, cain’t complain, yep, they go on and on!

One friend says, “Might oughta.” I always have to think about that as it was not a saying in my ‘neck of the woods.”

Enjoy the language and try not to fracture it too badly!/i

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Family, Memories, Music, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Worship, Yield

This Morning, Monday 1/8/24

For several days this has come on the local radio station and then just rolled about in my soul. Undoubtedly “His word is unfailing, His promise secure!” Such GREAT harmony from these three men! So wish I could memorize the Spanish, “Todo es va estar bien.” I know some of those words from high school Spanish.

This song was popular about 3 years ago. It is still fitting today. Especially as I face shoulder surgery this week. Aunt Norma (now deceased and my mother also deceased) used to sing “He’s got the whole world in His hands” to us when we were very young. I do not know if Aunt Norma ever went to church, but my mother, the child of a Methodist preacher, and Norma instilled this faith in us through their faith. Did someone sing it to you or with you when you were a child?

Regardless of the outcome of surgery the following will remain the song of my soul.

It never ceases to amaze me how the Holy Spirit can give us direction and comfort especially in uncertain circumstances. He is with us and in us.

On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you.

Said Jesus recorded in John 14:20 NIV

“My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 21 that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me….”

Jesus prayed recorded in John 17:20-21 NIV

Everything will be all right. The whole world’s in His hands. He is my all in all.

Paul said, “In him we live and move and have our being”; as even some of your poets have said, ‘For we are indeed His offspring.”

Acts 17:28 RSV

It bears repeating Everything will be all right. The whole world’s in His hands. He is my all in all.

Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Philippians 4: 6 RSV
Posted on in Faith, Memories, Music

Godspell

This was a musical in 1971. Wiki[edia reports, “The show is structured as a series of parables, primarily based on the Gospel of Matthew, interspersed with music mostly set to lyrics from traditional hymns, with the passion of Christ appearing briefly near the end.”

These lyrics have been rolling in my head for a couple weeks. Naturally that leads to a blog post! 

Where are you going?
Where are you going?
Can you take me with you?
For my hand is cold
And needs warmth
Where are you going?

Far beyond where the horizon lies
Where the horizon lies
And the land sinks into mellow blueness
Oh please, take me with you

Let me skip the road with you
I can dare myself
I can dare myself
I'll put a pebble in my shoe
And watch me walk (watch me walk)
I can walk and walk!
(I can walk!)

I shall call the pebble Dare
I shall call the pebble Dare
We will talk, we will talk together
We will talk (chorus) about walking
Dare shall be carried
And when we both have had enough
I will take him from my shoe, singing:
"Meet your new road!"
Then I'll take your hand
Finally glad
Finally glad
That you are here
By my side

By my side
By my side
By my side

So what of it? Well, they remind me to remember the LORD regardless of life circumstances. At times I am the pebble Dare, and at other times I need the challenge to remember We walk together.

Hard to ignore a pebble in your shoe. I am more likely to have a pebble in my pocket. Or a large wooden bead. Or something to bring my attention back to Him. I challenge you to carry something as a reminder throughout your day to turn again to Christ and walk together.

Posted on in Book quotes, Collection of Quotes, Faith, Just do it, Listen, Memories, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Thanks, Worship, Yield

Sunday, December 17

In the Monday zoom group we are reading and discussing Richard Rohr’s book entitled Eager to Love, The Alternative Way of Francis of Assisi. Reading Chapter 6, “An Alternative Orthodoxy” I came across this statement by Rohr.

For example, I often change the wording of many of the official orations of the Catholic Mass, after I find myself praying for my or our own salvation 65 percent of the time (Count them yourself.)

Page 90, Eager to Love by R. Rohr

If you have ever attended a liturgical church this might be true of you, also. I know there are things I added to my prayer book when we regularly attended the Episcopal church. I will give you an example.

A portion of The General Thanksgiving

Almighty God, Father of all mercies, we your unworthy servants give you humble thanks for all your goodness and loving-kindness to us and to all whom you have made. We bless you for our creation, preservation, and all the blessings of this life; but above all for the means of grace, and for the hope of glory.

Morning Prayer 2, Page 101
Christ in you, the hope of glory Colossians 1:27

I prayed this most every morning when I was a Third Order Franciscan. I eventually added:

…but above all for the means of grace, for the hope of glory and for the glory of hope.

Hope can be elusive and I find it glorious when I can grasp it! These are the things I often ponder with my prayers.

How about you? The hope of glory is a wondrous, majestic thing that only the Holy One can pull off for us. What about the glory of hope? Have you found holding on to it difficult in your life, too?

I have a clear blown-glass woman which I just love. Yes, I could live without it, but she reminds me of how I am to live before the Father as stated in the beginning of the Holy Eucharist.

Almighty God, to you all hearts are open, all desires known, and from you no secrets are hid: Cleanse the thoughts of our hearts by the inspiration of your Holy Spirit, that we may perfectly love you, and worthily magnify your Holy Name; through Christ our Lord. Amen.

BCP, Holy Eucharist: Rite Two, Page 355

Many people think they have to clean themselves up before they come to God. We each know we have fallen short of his calling. What we often fail to realize is that the inspiration of the Holy Spirit is sent to show us how to get cleaned up!

Christian society has decided that certain sins are worse than others, though no where in Scripture is one stated as being worse than others. Rohr wrote, “Organized religion has paid much attention to some things that Jesus never once mentioned and rather totally ignored others that he stated with utter clarity.” (God help us all!) “No pope, priest, or parishioner has ever been excommunicated for living too rich a lifestyle, or for being ambitious, greedy or prideful, even though Jesus condemned these things much more directly and openly than for what most (religions) usually excommunicate people.” Just like we sometimes try to clean ourselves up in our own strength, the Holy Spirit can show us the actual root of our unrighteousness and help us cleanse the thoughts of our hearts. “That we may perfectly love you and worthily magnify your holy name.”

As some of you know, I collect handmade cotton washcloths for Empower Youth, a ministry to underprivileged children in our county. Each year they hold a “Winterfest” where the kids get various blessings, a gift, a stocking and breakfast. This blog opens with a photo of some of the washcloths. We wrap them around a bar of soap and tie them with leftover yarn. The kids can use them in the bathtub or moms and grandmas can use them in the kitchen sink. Generous volunteers donated 300 this year! Cleansing is the idea.

So this Advent season leading into Christmas I pray you will let the Holy Spirit inspire you to stay open to God and learn how to let him cleanse the thoughts of your hearts that, indeed, “we may perfectly love God and worthily magnify His holy Name; through Jesus Christ our Lord.” To God be the glory!

Posted on in Faith, Family, Memories, Poetry, Worship

Winter Poetry

23-11-25 Red Canvas Bag ©Molly Lin Dutina

Most of the year you live in
A red canvas bag
Then we bring you home
From the clanging metal storage building
Straighten your limbs
Hang baubles of delight and memory on your
Prelit branches
You grace our home with extra light
Shielding us from the gloom of approaching
Winter short days
The night is less daunting
As you fill our room with a soft glow
Light of the Savior
Topped with His Crown of Glory
Light to save us from despair



Posted on in Aging, Challenge, Faith, Family, Memories, Special Event, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Thanks, Yield

Holiday Arrangements

My mother-in-law held what we entitled “Command Performances” with all the family expected to celebrate where she said and when OR ELSE. My husband determined we would never become like that with our children as they left home and began their own families.

Are you in the midst of decisions about when to celebrate with which part of the family? What day or time? Afternoon, evening, etc. It’s the most difficult time of the year! Just 12 seconds says it all!

It’s the most difficult time of the year!

Conversations run like, “Well, she had Thanksgiving at her house at the time of her choosing. She ought to be able to cooperate with our desire to have Christmas at our house on the 25th at 4:30!” And it spins into an uproar from there. But does it have to? We were stunned during Covid to have such abbreviated celebrations with anyone at all. Then as we came out of the pandemic there was hesitation because this family member refused to be with anyone who was not vaccinated and that family member refused any sort of vaccinations at all.

Perhaps this year we can adapt this sentiment from Brother David?

Gratefulness has three steps: not missing the opportunity, appreciating the opportunity, and using or enjoying the opportunity. By this method we come fully alive, full of joy, which is what we are all longing for.

BR. DAVID STEINDL-RAST

So, let’s not miss the opportunity to be with others we care about with grace and love and acceptance. Maybe we will not get our own way as far as time, place or celebratory foods, but who cares? In the end we are together.

Appreciate the opportunity. In this time of wars around the world that is a wonderful gift in itself. A time to celebrate and share our lives.

And finally Brother David says using and enjoying the opportunity. Maybe this year we can truly express our love and appreciation to one another? This could be the year that son hears “I am really proud of you!” And that daughter “I love you dearly.” My parents have been dead a long time but there are others I can express my appreciation to. I bet you have others you can praise and show your appreciation for.

Brother David says this brings us fully alive, full of joy. And yes, isn’t that what we are longing for the most??

May you use every opportunity you have this year to be with the ones you love as a time for less squabbling and more love and a grand harvest of joy!

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

Romans 12:10 NIV
Posted on in Art, Beagle, Book quotes, Faith, Family, Humor, Just do it, medical treatment, Memories, Nature, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth, Thanks, Worship, Yield

Mahalo, A Word We Learned in Hawaii

  • Mahalo – Thank You – (even on the garbage can flaps)
  • Bird feeders full and busy with bird traffic
  • Cake to bake and pies to create
  • Sweet potatoes 25 cents a pound and bound to cost less after Thursday!!
  • Lucky responding well to Glucosamine Chondroitin, though she still limps
  • turkey!
  • then turkey sandwich spread will follow
  • cranberry sauce
  • lately more sunny days than gloomy
  • Our Lord and Savior
  • Advent begins
  • books of our faith, including prayer books and hymnals
  • online Christian music I can search and play
  • shopping online makes some this so much easier
  • Baby Francesca continues to improve
  • white bread, mayonnaise and left over turkey slices sandwich!
  • fragrant candles
  • those who read my blog and comment
  • those who read my blog and are encouraged but do not comment
  • Betty continues to improve
  • Margie making great strides in her recovery
  • Outdoor Christmas lights
  • the wonders on our walk at Ten Mile Creek park
  • The joy of taking Lucky for a ride
  • wind moving the pinwheels reminds me of the movement of the Holy Spirit
  • those willing to help the less fortunate
  • landscaper who sweeps up leaves off the lawn
  • my friend Lori who absolutely loves all things Christmas
  • banyan tree sending out new leaves on Maui
  • Bob selected cookies for us
  • Willing contributors to Empower Youth toy drive
  • Zoom study of Franciscan book, meeting 10 people there weekly
  • union Township crochet and knit group
  • Crochet and knit monthly meeting at Convent
  • Bi-weekly group with church folks
  • Our family
  • Grandchildren!
  • Mint Chapstick
  • good medical care without too much waiting
  • dental care
  • safe walking area
  • my spiritual director
  • But wait! There’s more!! As Kathy says “There is ALWAYS something to be grateful for!”

In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

1 Thessalonians 5: 18 KJV


Posted on in Aging, Cooking, Faith, Family, Just do it, Memories, Music, Thanks

My 37th, I Mean 73rd Birthday Celebration

Here is a photo tour of parts of my birthday celebration. Bob made my favorite cake, coconut!

Oh yum. We HAD to taste it the night before!

He also took me to Andy’s Mediterranean Grill. It has gotten mixed reviews lately. We had not eaten there for a long time. It was going to be one of those experiments. If it had gone down hill substantially, it would be our last visit. It was as delicious as I remembered. They make chicken shwarma like no one else I know.

For appetizer I chose spanakopeta – filo dough wrapped around spinach and cheese

I have only had spanakopeta oven baked. Theirs was deep fried. Oilier but still delicious.

Bob ordered Hummus for his meal. He did let me share. I also shared with him! And there were still leftovers to take home.

And then for my entree!

I gave Bob the raw onions and olives off the plate. Oh my! So very good and had left overs for a second meal.

We chose to skip dessert as we had coconut cake awaiting us at home! Yes, their prices were quite a bit higher than in times past, but that is true of every restaurant we have been to this year. We will return in 2024.

I had phone calls, snail mail cards, electronic cards, text messages and many folks celebrating with me. A great celebration all around! My sister sent a flower arrangement. She is out of town and we will go to lunch at a later date.

Since Bob and I celebrate birthdays with only 3 weeks between us, our daughter bought us tickets to the theater to see “Girl from the North Country.” Great fun seeing it with Emily and Lizzie!

Thank you O Holy One for another year of living and loving!

Even to your old age and gray hairs
    I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
    I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

Isaiah 46:4 NIV