Remember Brody the flour covered dog? He got a date to prom!
This is that very long legged hound, if you recall from previous post!
Here is Ellie in her gown
And with her proud parents!
I was hoping the poppies I bought would bloom before we departed. The first one was orange and I hooray-ed! The second one was yellow and I was delighted!
And yes, spring warmth has finally arrived complete with humidity and emerging ferns!
I bought one fern in 1985. We have shared so many ferns off of the original plant. I have given the root away to friends and now we have them growing nicely at this our third and likely final house!!
Suitcases are packed. Laundry is done. Ride to airport arranged. Cannot believe it is finally time to go! We deliver Lucky to Lizzie tomorrow. Our house sitters are all set up. Woo-Hoo! Happy 52+ wedding anniversary to us!!
Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever.
Psalm 118:1 NIV
Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His love endures forever.
Psalm 136:1 NIV
And let His people say Amen! And let the Robert Dutina family say Amen! Let all God’s people say Amen!
When you read this we are packing to go to Maui tomorrow! I am stunned writing these details. 🙂
Many things occur in our neighborhood that are accompanied with sounds and noise. When I am writing the blog (preferable on Monday and Tuesday mornings) I pray, play music and try to tune out all the distractions. Today was no different.
Except, there was this clunk. Then later another clunk. Then two clunks in a row. The sounds were not rhythmic like a worker. Finally, I could not take it and had to go try to find the source of the distracting disturbance. What was causing this commotion?
I went outside. Okay the Royce fertilizer guy was down the street, but not making the noise I kept hearing. Nothing to the left of our house. Nothing else to the right.
I went out back. No workers there that I could detect. The trees have filled out so it is a bit harder to see the other houses. I went into the master bathroom. When I came back to the kitchen there was the sound. A Robin at the sliding glass door!
Earlier we had seen robins on the deck which is unusual. They seemed huge and likely were just puffed against the wind and chill. April 24 and 33 degrees! Go figure! One in particular seemed to be liking the rungs under the black metal porch side table. I noticed piles of gooey waste from that bird. Rinsed them off with glasses of water.
Now Lucky wanted in on the act. I told her to chase the birds off. Instead she decided to roll her ear in the most recent pile of waste. I moved the sliding screen door. I moved the lace curtain thinking perhaps she was seeing a “rival” in the door – her reflection. I put plastic planters upside down in front of the door and brought the water hose over the railing. Back to writing.
Thump. Thump. Really? I went to the door declaring, “I need cat!” and called “Here kitty, kitty.” No response though there had been an orange tabby in the yard recently.
I moved the sliding screen over the door where I thought the bird was knocking. This time I left the dog out on the deck. Of all the places in this wooded area, why our deck? Oh well. Those birds should go next door. That neighbor has a sliding glass door, too. She has a deck and no pets!
Do you know the center verse of the Bible? (These are facts that Christians like to collect.) I think the center verse is no accident as it has kept me from many troubles.
It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to put confidence in man.
Psalm 118:8. Another version reads “than to put confidence in mortals.” Take refuge in the LORD. Not the ones about you who you can see and hear, but who will die. The Almighty LORD, King over angel armies, He is to be our refuge.
The photo above was from online. It reminds me! We are going to make the trip of a lifetime (at least for us). When our 50th wedding anniversary rolled around we had planned to go to visit our 50th state. That was when the pandemic hit. Hawaii basically said, “You can come here, but you must quarantine for 2 weeks before you travel about.” My response was I can barely afford 2 weeks in Hawaii, much less a month!” So we put off our trip. Bob was really liking the idea of our 50th state and our 50th anniversary 😦
So this year we will celebrate our 53rd wedding anniversary and visit our 50th state! We have consulted our Hawaii experts the Cookseys. We have met several times with a travel agent. Bob is trying to overcome his discomfort about being on an island (or two) totally surrounded by water. We want to see the flowers, helicopter over the volcanoes, see rainbows, enjoy the tropics, birds, jungle plants, etc. Bob plans to eat lots of seafood. I think pineapple sounds delicious. I am even thinking about taking a vacation from writing the blog. Yikes, (Can she do that?)
We have a dog sitter. A house sitter. And by the time we return we might actually be broke! Our daughter says to go ahead and spend. We just might on this trip!
Several years ago I read the above mentioned book. It opened my eyes to several things about myself. I grew up in an alcoholic family. They said before his death my dad was “a heavy drinker.” In AA that is called an alcoholic. He died when I was eleven so we will never know for certain. My mother, on the the other hand, was described to me as ‘a full-blown alcoholic before I was born.’
As a child I was oblivious to most of this though there are some memories of bad behavior due to alcohol. Mostly I remember being disappointed over and over and over again. I was raised with a heavy dose of criticism and inconsistent rules. My mother’s memory would waver different ways. Things she told me when drunk she often would not remember when sober, and vice versa.
“Yes, you may do so and so,” turned into “I never told you that! Where do you get these things?” It was no use trying to jog her memory. I usually did not even try.
Many, many years later, reading the quote below brought some insight and healing.
“Disappointment is like dream defibrillation. If we respond the right way, disappointment can actually restore our prayer rhythm and resurrect our dreams.”
Mark Batterson, The Circle Maker
American Heritage Dictionary gives this definition: “A defibrillator delivers a controlled electric shock to restore lack of coordination of the contraction of muscle tissue of the large chambers of the heart.”
After living with so much misunderstanding. disappointment and confusion my heart did not have a steady beat to believe in myself or my own sanity. I left home often wondering if I was nuts or was it just ‘them’.
I had dreams of wanting to be a writer, wanting to serve God, entertained ideas of being a school teacher, getting married, having children, etc. I also left home KNOWING I did not want to raise kids like I was raised. I was determined to do things differently. When I met Robert Dutina we were literally in love at first sight. We were both tired of playing the dating game. Basically our theme was “This is who I am. If you like me, great. If not, no problem. Just move along.”
We were enamored within a few hours. He lived miles away so we only dated on weekends. I did not have a phone. We met in July, got engaged in August and married in September. What has held us together for 52 years? Love, honesty with ourselves and others and determination to do things differently than our parents did!
I do believe that the disappointments of my upbringing spurred me on to find other ways to live. My faith carried me through then and now. Batterson wrote that disappointment is like dream defibrillation. Yes, I so agree. The Lord helped me find my prayer rhythm and resurrected my dreams.
Even if God doesn’t answer the way you want, you still need to praise through. That is when it’s most difficult to praise God, but that is also when our praise is most pure and most pleasing to God.
Circle Maker
Prayer has the power to resurrect dead dreams and give them new life – eternal life. I continue to praise God even though my upbringing was chaotic. I continue to praise even when my children face difficulties. Even as Bob and I face aging challenges,we praise Him for the strength to make it through each day. We praise Him for insight and humor.
Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD.
Suddenly I was so cold I wanted to climb inside the coffee mug, not just hold it in my hands! Such is my life. Then a few minutes later I am wanting iced coffee and peeling off layers of sweater or sweatshirt. Bob says my thermostat is broken.
Years ago I bought us an electric yogurt maker. It is a great money saver when milk goes on sale. It is a small electric device. First you must scald and process the milk. I use 2% or even 1% milk. Placing 4 cups of milk in a glass measure I cook it in microwave for 9 minutes. That scalds the milk. Then pour into plastic container from yogurt maker. Chill in an ice bath for about 11 minutes until it cools to 110 degrees. Add 1 cup plain yogurt. Plug in maker. Add yogurt container. Cook 8-10 hours. Let cool. Strain if we want it more like Greek yogurt. Add berries, sweetener, etc. Enjoy!
I made some recently. After Bob had a serving and we strained it more I decided to make another batch as I still had extra milk from a sale. Went though the process and placed it in the cooker. We went to run errands for a few hours. I came home and the appliance was cold. Well, Dodo me, I never plugged it in!
Since his eye surgeries at times Bob can’t see lines on the liquid measure. Eventually he figures out what dollar store spectacles to wear so he can see the lines. He is anxious to get his refraction done so he can get new glasses. Maybe things will be easier in the kitchen then!
Bob mastered his Mom’s Blonde Brownies recipe. Then he improved the recipe by adding sea salt caramel morsels. They are a delicious hit. Everyone who tastes them loves them. And now the store quit selling the morsels? So did the other two stores! WHAT?! We bought some plain Kraft caramel pieces about the size of morsels.We will let you know how they turn out.
Notice the price of eggs lately? Unless you never go to the grocery or cook, you likely have noticed. A year or two ago I learned how to make hard boiled eggs in the Instant Pot pressure cooker. I asked Bob if he would want to learn how to do eggs in the Instant Pot. He agreed that would be good. I did not supervise him closely as I was cooking something else. I just sort of told him the steps. They eggs did not seem to cook long enough. We tried it again. I wondered if I need a new Instant Pot? Finally we took them out. I cracked one it was barely soft boiled. As we dismantled the Instant Pot I realized he had left one stainless pan inside the cooker pan and then put in the water and egg holder. I had done that once before, too. The eggs do not cook correctly with that arrangement. The water and the egg holder have to go in the stainless pot provided with the cooker. We managed to eat up those under-cooked eggs with frying or more cooking period. Frustrating with the price of eggs! I determined to buy him more eggs ( they are his favorite food). The prices are high right now, but egg merchants assure us the price will come down soon. His next batch was flawless!
We both insist on laughing together when these things occur. We are likely to make more mistakes not fewer as we age. At least for now we make it fun!
Even to your old age I am he, even when you turn grey I will carry you. I have made, and I will bear; I will carry and will save.
We got engaged to be married August 10, 1970 and stayed up all night long talking about our families and our lives together. After hearing about the New York relatives with names like Evakovich and Stajcich, when I called home to say I was getting married my mother asked, “What is his name?” I replied “I can’t remember!” Mind you, Dutina is not exactly a common name, but imagine my mother’s face in Ohio when I called from California.
Someone placed a bet at the wedding that we would never last. We never had the courage to ask my mother-in-law who that was. Guess we might never find out now!
2022
2017 after being at the Canyon in 1971
2020 in Colorado as Paula’s guests
2021
1970 – With this ring, I thee wed.
1970 Don took our car so we took his back to our apartment.
1970 ready for the honeymoon so Ohio people would go back east
So we will go out for a fancy dinner and remind ourselves of all the joys we have shared over the years. I am still madly in love with this gorgeous man! He is a gift and a monstrous blessing to me. My life with him has been one grateful surprise after another grateful surprise. Oh Lord, You have made my life such a blessing through this holy matrimony.
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wifeand the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh.
Mark10:7-8 NIV
Carnations on top of cake, red, white and pink to represent each of us and the new creation of one flesh.
At times it can be helpful just to write down the thoughts that occur in your brain. The morning of December 6 after doing a Tara Brach guided meditation through Insight Timer this was my flow.
Tara Brach Letting life live through you
Smattering rain, splattering rain
Listening is my intention for meditation
Can’t possibly center
Too much to do
Piles of presents unwrapped and waiting
Draw away to surrender
Yield to the moment
This moment, only gift
Right now, right here
What greater gift than presence
Read Macrina writing about shopping carts
This is the place and time
For centering in true life
Living here
As breeze disturbs the curtains
And rain increases to water now present
Smattering has become flowing
Leaves have yielded to gravity and now lie
as drenched, disconsolate leaves
Not yet encased in ice and snow
Lay down your plans Molly Lin
Hear, see, record, make the letters large
That the runner might see and read (HAB 2:2)
Prince of peace here regardless of man made season
Waiting to be invited
Coming with floods of mercy
Kindness and peace washing over and through
My created chaos insubstantial to this
Power of Almighty
I am waiting as manger for Your resting
Inhabit me
Wind increases and I
Bend the knee of my heart
As You envelop me in Your power
Public power source fails
Light goes out, things flicker, then on
You are steady and unmoved
Light of the World
Shine throughout and beyond me
Look through my eyes
Declare Your presence
Touch this world with Sight and Sounds
Of holy life beyond the grind
Of holiday tradition
Man made glamor
Glitz and tinsel
I think I’m hearing music
Realize that is Your Holy Wind
Playing the outdoor chimes
Holding the note to call me back
To Your presence in my midst
Sustained tone like angelic choir
Drawing me, calling me back
To the center down silence
Place of restoration, healing, atoning
Refreshment from Your presence
We set up our old Christmas tree in the new house. It was too wide for the setting. Bob heard there could be an artificial Christmas tree shortage this year. So when he saw them at the hardware store he took me with him to choose one. I chose a pencil tree, known on the box as Sonoma Pine, seven foot.
It sat in the box in the garage for several weeks. Finally we decided we should set it up and be certain we liked it and it fit in the space. Mind you, my husband would be content with the photo of a Christmas tree instead of a real or artificial one. The idea of setting one up before November 15, before Thanksgiving even, has never occurred in our 51 years of marriage!
We unboxed it. The dog watched in the corner in fear. As we set it up the dog had left the room completely. We plugged it in. Looked pretty good! Well, if you have a tree set up and the ornaments are close at hand, why not decorate it? And so, we did! Just the two of us. The last few years Grand-kids had helped us decorate the tree. This year the two oldest ones are both holding down jobs and school. The youngest is 40 minutes away, one way. So we just did it.
The dog had returned to the room and was watching warily. It stumped me why she was so timid. Then I remembered the tree at the other house had been in the basement (more room for gifts and celebration space). She spent very little time near it.
We actually had fun together decorating it. After a while Bob took the job of putting hooks on ornaments while I placed them around the branches.
Yes, Charlie Brown and Snoopy on the floor for now.
I was remembering the angel Myrtle made me, the bell I crocheted like the ones Aunt Audrey made, ornaments the children and grandchildren made. Little treasures that make me smile. One ornament from Bob’s kindergarten class and the replica we made first year we were married. The yarn “snow queen”, Christmas mouse, stars to remember how His birth was announced in the heavens. The ornaments are just good for my soul. I am still debating whether to leave the angel on the top of the tree or replace her with a sparkly Gold crown I found to honor the King of Kings? There are quite a few angels on the tree.
We are accustomed to lights with many colors and this one is all white. We are unlikely to keep it lit every night until January first. Bob said he meant to get one with LED lights and this one is not. It is a joy to have it up as the time change brings sunset so much earlier.
New home, new tree and likely new traditions will be formed in however many year we have left. Bob says he is not paying for any 5 year magazine subscriptions as who knows if he will get them all read! Other age related comments have been bouncing around since our birthdays 3 weeks apart.
Father, You knew when to send Jesus.
You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5:6-8
And Father, You also know how long we have left on this earth. Let us use that time to Your Glory, I pray.
So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
1 Corinthians 10:31
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. 17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Colossians 3:15-17
Our times are in Your hands. (Psalm 31:15a) Celebrate the gift of His life to you!
We met in July. Got engaged in August. Married in September. And yes, we are STILL married 51 years later. Sunday was the day.
And we love to tell people we are still working on our relationship! This was our first song.
Perhaps some of the middle years, but even today I need to dance with him on this one!
And this perhaps our latest. Bob picked this one out!
Yes, there have been years of joy and years of struggle. Times of forgiveness and mending. Words fail me after 51 years of experiences. Robert Dutina is truly the love of my life!
Did I tell you this marks 51 years of marriage completed?!?!?!
Continuing my life with and without God, two weeks after my mother’s death and after 32 hours of labor, Emily Kathryn was born by emergency C-Section. They gave me total anesthesia. I could barely open my eyes to tell her hello.
In keeping with my confirmation in the Episcopal church, the older version of The Book of Common Prayer has a wonderful little service called the Thanksgiving of Women after Child-birth (commonly called the Churching of Women). That ‘commonly’ name seems beyond weird to me. Regardless, I wanted Bob to pray this with me after our first child was born.
The newer version of the Prayer Book calls this ‘A Thanksgiving for the Birth or Adoption of a Child.’ This version asks for the presentation of the child to ‘the Church to be welcomed by the congregation and to give thanks to Almighty God.” We were not attending church regularly so we prayed the service together in the hospital room.
For A Safe Delivery
O gracious God, we give You humble and hearty thanks that You have preserved through the pain and anxiety of childbirth Your servant Molly Lin, who desires now to offer You her praises and thanksgivings. Grant, most merciful Father, that by Your help she may live faithfully according to Your will in this life, and finally partake of everlasting glory in the life to come; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Book of Common Prayer
Emily Kathryn Photo by r mdutina
Yes, the Father certainly had my attention. Within a few months we moved back to the Cincinnati area. I continued to grieve. Bob was working second shift at Clermont Mercy hospital. We would work all day on our house and then he would go to work. I was not coping terribly well.
One night while grieving I told God, “You promised that You would comfort those who mourn. Where is my comfort?”
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Matthew 5:4
I clearly heard Him tell me, “You have tried life your way. Are you are willing to try it My way? “
I called my Episcopal priest the next morning. He did not quite know what to do with me. He called Mary Dirkse and she came to visit. A wonderful pseudo-mother/daughter relationship was born. She listened to my heart. She shared her faith with me. She took me to Women’s Aglow meetings where I eventually received my prayer language again. She took me to Bible Study at Linda Werner’s house.
Mary and I compared the attitudes and tantrums of my two year old with her teenagers. When I became pregnant with our son she coaxed me to eat during the morning sickness. Cooked me hot hard-boiled eggs and served them on buttered toast. Sat with me while I slowly ate. She helped me pray for the courage to get up on the delivery table and be awake for my second C-Section. Though she lives in Washington State now and I remain in Ohio, we are friends to this day.
Yes, I was comforted. I was comforted in ways I could not imagine. When my mother died she was a full-blown alcoholic. Years later I read “Co-Dependent No More.” I bought my sister a copy saying, ‘They lived in our house. They got in our heads. They wrote it all down.’ I had no idea that millions of other families had experienced what we did growing up.
Likely MORE than 4 million sold by now!
I eventually attended Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings. I did writing workshop workbooks to learn more about alcoholism. I prayed it would end in mom’s generation. It did not end in her generation, but I learned so much about how to go on with my life and serve the Lord in the midst of that upbringing.
Emily brought us great joy and delight. She still does to this day. Jeff’s birth was so different than hers. We rejoiced over his good health and home coming.
The Kids photo by r m dutina
By then we were established in the Methodist church. Bob had not liked the Episcopal service with the up and the down, the flipping back and forth in the Book of Common Prayer. So we agreed to worship at the Methodist church.
After one year of marriage and living in California we moved back to the Cincinnati area. Bob had decided not to pursue Medical School, but to go for a degree in Medical Technology. At that time you needed 4 years of college, 1 year of training and then licensing before you could do in-house hospital work. The University of Cincinnati took all of their Med Tech students from their college enrollment. He searched further afield and found a Med Tech school in Lexington Kentucky.
When we were wed Bob made me promise we would not have kids until we were married 5 years. I reluctantly agreed. I have always loved babies. For the first 5 years it seemed that all I saw were pregnant ladies and newborn babies. Finally in Lexington we ‘got pregnant.’
On my due date my mother insisted on visiting us in Lexington. I told her the obstetrician was certain nothing would happen on that date, but she was determined. She came with a Styrofoam cooler of food. She wanted to go shopping. I could barely fit my belly behind her steering wheel to drive.
That night she died in her sleep. (Cerebral hemorrhage ran in her family.) Sadly, I found her the next morning. Bob checked for a pulse and we knew she was gone. It was quite shocking.
Shortly after Bob determined that indeed Mom was dead, I heard her voice repeating, “God works in mysterious ways.” She often said this. I believe she took the saying from a hymn by William Cowper written about 1774 and carried in most Protestant hymnals.
God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea,
And rides upon the storm.
Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never-failing skill
He treasures up His bright designs,
And works His sovereign will.
Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take,
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy, and shall break
In blessings on your head.
Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.
His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower.
Blind unbelief is sure to err,
And scan his work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain.
Within an hour of finding my mother dead I told Bob that in some ways it was such a relief. She had been determined to buy a playpen. She said when we came to visit in Cincinnati she would keep the baby and we could go out. I knew I could never let that happen and was going to find a way to tell her so that very weekend. My mother had some sort of personality disorder thing. It was not just the alcoholism. She would be fine, go in the bathroom and when she emerged have this distinct other personality. She was not in the bathroom long enough to get drunk. I would never have felt safe leaving my infant with her.
So, I never had to tell her something that I feared might kill her. I did have to raise my children without their Grandmother around.
The Lord has indeed led and guide me through my years. Blessed be the Name of the Lord!
Here is a contemporary version of the hymn with a few added lines.
Treasures in Plain Sight, A Christian Blog 