Category: Journal

Posted on in Book quotes, Challenge, Faith, Journal, Music, Prayer, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth

Christy Nockels and Morning Song

Praise to the Lord, The Almighty

Why is this important? After journaling partially about my failings in Practicing the Presence of God, this song came into my heart. The last verse says:

Praise to the Lord, oh, let all that is in me adore Him!
All that hath life and breath

come now with praises before Him;
Let the Amen sound from His people again,
Gladly for aye we adore Him.

Yes, Lord I adore You, even when I get lost in distraction. Forgive me Lord when I forget You.

Brother Lawrence says to waste no time but confess and return promptly to talking with You and abiding with You. Waste no time beating yourself up. Confess your failing. Promptly return to the practice. Have you noticed yet how the enemy would have you stall and stay stuck in your failings rather than move on to God’s Presence? He is a crafty one.

So here I am Lord, Your Molly Lin. You ask me to stand and tip, be Your lily shield. Help me to obey. I return to You.

Posted on in Book quotes, Challenge, Faith, Journal, Just do it, Prayer, Spiritual discipline

Oh Brother Lawrence, I relate!

In the preface to Brother Lawrence’s “Spiritual Maxims” we are told “He committed his thoughts sometimes to writing, but comparing what he had written with that which he had just experienced in his soul, he deemed it so inferior and so far removed from the inspired thoughts with which he had been visited, of the greatness and goodness of God that often he felt compelled to tear it up at once.“

Perhaps I should quit writing and
go sweep the dog hair off that rug!!

Oh I do so relate. Just as Rilke wrote, “Most experiences are unsayable.”

As soon as I attempt to put these whispered communications with God into words, they automatically lose much of there splendor and power. And yet, we have some of Bro Law’s Maxims to this day.

All things are possible to him who believes,

they are less difficult to him who hopes,

they are easier to him who loves,

and still more easy to him who practices and perseveres

in these three virtues.

Brother Lawrence

Frank Laubach was most known for his methods of teaching people to read. He also wrote a volume based on Brother Lawrence’s teachings and Frank’s experiment in trying to live according to them. He entitled it Practicing His Presence. Laubach also wrote The Game With Minutes which you can read online at https://levaire.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/The-Game-with-Minutes-Frank-Laubach.pdf

Laubach wrote: “All who have tried that kind of abiding for a month know the power of it—it is like being born again from center to circumference. It absolutely changes every person who does it. And it will change the world that does it.” Christy Nockels wrote recently about the same idea, living center to circumference, in her book The Life You Long For.

Reading Brother Lawrence’s maxims it is no wonder that more of Christianity is not fascinated with his practice and attempting it themselves!

He wrote “Of the Presence of God” I have a friend who these forty years past has been practicing through the understanding a realization of the Presence of God. To it he gives many other names; sometimes he calls it a simple act, or a clear and distinct knowledge of God; at other times, a view as through a glass, a loving gaze, an inward sense of God; yet again he terms it a waiting on God, a silent converse with Him, a repose in Him, the life and peace of the soul. Still, my friend tells me that all these ways, in which he has expressed his sense of the Presence of God, come to the same thing; and that the Presence fills his soul quite naturally, that it has come to pass in this way.

I send you his words because this experience is so difficult to put into words. An act, knowledge, gaze, view, inward sense, waiting, silent converse, repose, life and peace… and still words fall so far short of this mystery; Christ in you, the hope of Glory. Max Lucado says that Paul refers to the indwelling Christ 216 times.

I believe Brother Lawrence was teaching how to go inward and experience Christ daily, constantly. Yes, that takes discipline and practice. So did learning to walk, and drive a car. Give it a try, and then try again and again. God is just waiting for your sincere desire to be with Him. Let Christ in you live loud and large.

Posted on in Aging, Book quotes, Faith, Journal, Poetry, Spiritual growth, Thanks, Yield

Remember Rooted and Grounded in Love?

Reading the poetry of Mary Oliver I found this concise stunning description of those roots …

except underfoot, moldering
in that black subterranean castle

Of unobservable mysteries – roots and sealed seed

And the wanderings of water

Mary Oliver Fall Song from her American Primitive Collection
“Black subterranean castle” I just love that!

That is why she won a Pulitzer Prize for poetry. Makes me not want to post my stuff. But I know each of us has talents and must be willing to share those!

I was recently challenged by lines on a TV series of all things! “Newsflash! Life isn’t fair.” “Try to DO something about it.” “You can’t win the fight unless you get back in the ring.” “We are the change we have been waiting for.”

The next morning, looking to the Lord, I composed this:

Hollow © 2022 Molly Lin Dutina

Chronic illness and pain
    Is a lonely place
The hollow of a tree trunk
    Never saw the hollow before
Though I’ve looked at the tree for 9 or 10 months

He keeps me
    In the hollow of His hand
His palm
    Never alone - with me always

Each day may be a new struggle
    The reward is in the shelter
Let myself be sheltered
    Yield to being held

When I cry out “O Lord”
    Do I mean I can’t take it or
O Lord be with me in it?

Sheltered by the Almighty
     Nothing quite a secure as that
Stay. Yield. Rest.
Isaiah 49:16
Posted on in Faith, Journal, Memories, Poetry, Prayer, Special Event, Traveling

Inspired by Visit to Teampall Bhreasain, County Galway, Ireland

©2011 Molly Lin Dutina

Through the window of the ages
Past the thick walls of time
Stands a symbol of death
Nay! Bright resurrection
Hope of all men

The rough stones placed
In geometrically sound patterns
Of worship, of honor, of praise
Roofless now 
that heaven may freely break through 
to us of long ages later
Arches , capstones, edges of time
Torn by the worship of long ago
Until our hearts are lifted up
To worship the same lovely truth

You came for us
You come to us still
To have us for Your own
Encircling with Spirit
Invading with Holy
Illumine our techno age
With truth of heaven
Power of Holy
Spirit of Life
Posted on in Faith, Journal, Memories, Music, Spiritual growth

Irish Music and a Psalm

One of my favorite Psalms is Psalm 84. I have read it, heard it set to music, and pondered it often. Here is the New Revised Version.

          How lovely is your dwelling place, 
    O LORD of hosts! 
    2      My soul longs, indeed it faints 
    for the courts of the LORD; 
    my heart and my flesh sing for joy 
    to the living God. 
    3      Even the sparrow finds a home, 
    and the swallow a nest for herself, 
    where she may lay her young, 
    at your altars, O LORD of hosts, 
    my King and my God. 
    4      Happy are those who live in your house, 
    ever singing your praise.       Selah 
    5      Happy are those whose strength is in you, 
    in whose heart are the highways to Zion.
    6      As they go through the valley of Baca 
    they make it a place of springs; 
    the early rain also covers it with pools. 
    7      They go from strength to strength; 
    the God of gods will be seen in Zion. 
    8      O LORD God of hosts, hear my prayer; 
    give ear, O God of Jacob!       Selah 
    9      Behold our shield, O God; 
    look on the face of your anointed. 
    10      For a day in your courts is better 
    than a thousand elsewhere. 
    I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God 
    than live in the tents of wickedness. 
    11      For the LORD God is a sun and shield; 
    he bestows favor and honor. 
    No good thing does the LORD withhold 
    from those who walk uprightly. 
    12      O LORD of hosts, 
    happy is everyone who trusts in you. 

In my studies I learned that when verse 6 says the Valley of Baca, that means the valley of tears or weeping. Isn't it just like our God to change a place of weeping into a place of springs! One of Bob's favorite songs was a Vineyard creation about "Better is one day in your house than thousands elsewhere."

When we visited Ireland in 2011 I had my own experience of a 'thin place.' A thin place is described as a place where the distance between heaven and earth is not as thick as in some regions of earth.

When we visited the Aran ruins on Inishmore, Aran island I was moved by a church ruin. After much research and naming it wrong in a prior blog posting, I believe this is called Teampall Bhreacain, Na Seacht dTeampaill, County Galway, Ireland. The  difficulty is the language and there are multiple small church ruins on Inishmore!

When we arrived I practically sat down in awe. I believe the following photos were all taken by my wonderful husband, r m dutina.

The altar from afar, look to upper right wall by altar

Remember verse 3 above? This is what I wanted you to see in last photo.

“Even the sparrow finds a place where she may lay her young”

And when I pondered how many had worshiped at this altar over the years, and there I was, too, worshiping my God I was awe struck and taken into His presence.

Yes, there was rubble on the floor and I am glad it was left for us to see. The roof was long gone, but God was still present.

How lovely is Thy dwelling place, O Lord of Hosts to me!

This song has transported my soul there ever since. I was delighted to find it on You Tube to share with you here!

Tomorrow a poem inspired by this thin place!

Posted on in Amazing Creations, Challenge, Faith, Journal, Nature, Poetry, Prayer, Spiritual growth, Writing Life

Journal Led to a Poem

Practicing the discipline my pastor suggested, as I listed the five things I am grateful for one morning, suddenly all this came to me. Hope you enjoy it.

photo by r m dutina
#5.  Cloud and mist fabric drawn across the moon
all that light originated from the sun?
Gray then white then yellow, clot of black then blue
For my attention and entertainment? No, a lesson more true
"I desire truth in your inward parts
To reflect My glory you must be clean, steady, sure
Certain of My love for all
Wavering not from circumstances
Leaning into My light"
Clouds move off and I can barely look away
The brightness of Your Glory my delight
Clouds clear and brilliance increases
I watch as moon orbits incrementally behind the tree
I want to move the furniture
Lie here looking out the window
Yet even now the sun is rising and moon will seem to go
Scour my being Father that I might reflect
Your brilliant glory, certain and true.
"Beware lest feeding feral cats from pity
You actually nourish marauding coyotes
Dimming the beauty of your intention
Encouraging the destruction of your very soul"
You parted the veil from before my eyes
Help me to keep Your glory in my remembrance forever.
Sun rises higher
Brilliant white moon beckons 
Cream colored clouds move in thickly
My soul knows what it witnessed
Your power glows across the universe
Regardless of my momentary ability to see.
Enemies of my soul say, "Nothing to see here. Move along."
My heart ever held in Your nail scarred hand
I spend my life to declare Your glory.

I am always amazed when this stuff comes to me. Coyotes, like the prowling lion seeking whom he may devour? We have coyotes in this neighborhood. A pack prowls the street every morning just before dawn. Likely other times, too. I was giving Lucky her last outdoor stroll the other night and she noticed something at the end of the street. I could not see a thing. She would not take her eyes off the end of the street. She even growled which is atypical of her!

photo by r m dutina

You desire truth in the inward being;
    therefore teach me wisdom in my secret heart.

Psalm 51:6 NRSV

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith

1 Peter 5:8-9 NIV

Yes, Lord, I will have the courage to share. Bless the readers I pray.

Posted on in Book quotes, Faith, Journal, Just do it, Prayer, Spiritual growth

Have You Met El Roi?

The month of January Anchor Devotional was written by Jane C. Sveska. On January 13 she made note of one of my favorite names for God, El Roi, God who sees.

“God sees everything. He sees us throughout every minute of every day. If we did not know what a loving, patient God He is, this would be terrifying news to us!”

Anchor Devotional January 13, 2022

I have often used Hagar’s name for God in my prayers.

She gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.”

Genesis 16:13 NIV

You are the God who sees. Yes! He sees everything! Even my slight momentary affliction. Even the desperate cries of someone caught in the throes of illness like my friend Mindy who is still trying to function after being in a coma for weeks. When I have trouble finding words for prayers, besides the Holy Spirit coming to my aid (Romans 8:26), I can pray “El Roi, do you see this? Do You see?” And I know that He does see and is moved with compassion.

Hagar was amazed that she was still alive after seeing the One who saw her. I am amazed that I can know this Holy Father who sees and is moved with compassion on my behalf and on behalf of others whom I pray for.

Anchor Devotional continues

“From Hagar’s story, (Genesis 16:7, 21:17) we know that God sees us, hears our cries of desperation, and speaks comfort to us through His written Word.”

Jane C. Sveska

Lord, do You see the people reading this blog? Of course, You see them. I pray You will bless them and help them to know You as the God Who Sees them and loves them. Amen.

“But Zion said, “The Lord has forsaken me, the Lord has forgotten me,”
“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before Me.”

Isaiah 49: 14-16 NIV
Posted on in Challenge, Faith, Journal, Just do it, medical treatment, Memories, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth

Stunned by Bad News

I have a friend who was recently stunned by bad news medically. A serious diagnosis that has no cure. I have tried to encourage and walk with her through a months-long process of getting to this point. The diagnosis is not even certain as it is one of those autoimmune things that defies diagnosis by mimicking so many other illnesses. So what can I offer her next?

That night as I was preparing for bed and praying for her I suddenly remembered when I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia many years ago. At that time there was much less known about Fibro and Bob and I were pretty much on our own to figure it out. I read everything I could. I tried to learn about this mystery illness. First, however, I had to cope with the weeks and months of getting back up on my feet again. We were a family of four with 2 young children and one husband working full time and often on call. I needed to function!

I hope to spend some time the next couple weeks blogging about what I discovered that helped me during those dark days. The night she shared the news with me when I got in bed to read on my iPad there came a flood of coping ideas. I typed with one finger until I thought I might need to get up and write at my desk!

One thing my friend had shared was about a neighbor couple who both got Covid after being exposed to extended family at Christmas. Neighbor woman is recovering. He was hospitalized. He finally was released from the hospital and two days later he died at home. When you have your own terrible news, the grief of others can put you in a tailspin. Where your heart would have been empathetic before, now their dark and dismal splashes over into your dark and dismal. Suddenly it can all be too much to take. From similar experiences, I learned to try to guard my heart.

Above all else, guard your heart,
    for everything you do flows from it.

Proverbs 4:23 NIV

Send a sympathy card, but be certain to keep your matters from flowing into the streams of others. Grief can come with illness. I will write on that another day.

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

1 Peter 5:8-9 NIV

Another struggle is when the “What if’s” and “If onlys” try to take over. Fretting and worry over the future and the past are like a lioness with her kill. You do not want to get in her way! Some call it “stinkin’ thinkin.” I experienced it with things like, “What if I cannot continue to raise my children?” “How can I be a good wife to Bob if I am weak and in bed all the time?” “What if pain takes over my life?” We are told to be alert and sober minded, aware of our thoughts.

The New Testament has advice on that. If you will do this it will save you from untold trouble.

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV

Rather than swirl in a centrifuge of negative thoughts trying to push them down and forget them, I eventually found it helpful to list those thoughts. To examine them in the Light of Christ. It takes effort to become aware of your thoughts. Especially in this society that does not value self-examination. No one knows my thoughts except me and God. He is omniscient. “Nothing is hidden from Him with whom we have to do.”

Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

Hebrews 4:13 NIV

Uncovering my negative thoughts takes much power from them. Learning how they make me feel is powerful, too. When I start getting ‘that way’ I now can often recognize where the discomfort is coming from and put a stop to it. I have to do the work. God enables me but does not accomplish it for me. I do not serve a fairy godmother who will whisk away every negative thing from me.

Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.

Psalm 105:4 NIV

In the struggle after a shock knocks you down, that struggle to get your feet under yourself again, I cannot stress how important it is to turn and face the Lord. Determine to stay with Him, come what may. Hold His hand.

Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.

Psalm 73:23 NIV

Guard your heart. Take your thoughts captive to Christ. Turn and face the Lord. Hold onto His hand. Does that seem like too much to do? The ideas can be put on a 3 x 5 card and practiced when you have nothing else pressing. Over time, with practice they are certain to keep you from getting worse mentally in the midst of bad news.

Posted on in Aging, Challenge, Faith, Journal, Just do it, Memories, Spiritual discipline, Spiritual growth

Isaiah 30:15 Life Verse

For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel:

In returning and rest you shall be saved;

    in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.

But you refused

Isaiah 30:15NRSV

Isaiah 30:15 ends with “But you refused” or “But you would not.” I want to perform the beginning of the verse, what the Baptists would call my life verse.  “In returning and rest you are saved; in quietness and trust shall be your strength.” I choose to make the last phrase ‘but you would not’ untrue of me. That requires discipline again and again for me to return and rest in God.

Difficult to keep in my mind when I do things like jump out of my meditation and prayer chair to dry off the dog and find superfine gravel dirt all over the front hall and Bob’s bathroom floor from soles of our boots worn to the Nature Center the day before! Here I am back at it. “In returning and rest I am saved.”

We tried to be careful with those dirty soles. Perhaps it is a lesson regarding my dirty soul. Not undue self-castigation here. I so easily depart my knowledge of the Lord. I could have seen that dry off and cleanup event as a way to stay quiet, still, trusting and resting in God: grateful I have a dog in our family, grateful for ability to walk in the Nature Center, resting in the fact that eventually I will be returned to dust yet He will reign forever and ever.

In returning and rest I am saved; in quietness and trust is my strength. I can see that some growth has occurred over the years. I was not angry while cleaning up. In past years I likely would have been. I did, however, return to my prayer chair and ask myself, “Now where was I?” Oh for the day I can carry my prayer chair meditations and practice to the other rooms without flinching or forgetting!

I suppose that is why the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel said “IN RETURNING.” The omnipotent Holy One knew I would be returning. Lord help me always to return and rest in Your tender help and care. Dissuade my tendency to not return with Your power and indwelling Holy Spirit.

My salvation is in returning. My salvation is in resting. My strength is in quietness and trust. So there I have it. When I am feeling not strong, I must go back to quietness and trust in God. There is great wisdom in the concept that when you do not know what to do next, return to the last thing the Lord told you. We are so easily distracted! Like Dug the dog in the movie “Up!” who said “Squirrel!”

I have been working with this verse for many years. Be encouraged by that and know that you, too, can be changed by practicing the Word. Even if that means as the Benedictines say, “Always, we begin again.”

The wind is blowing the wind chimes into constant song. The snow is falling and at times pouring off the roof. The roof line is almost indistinguishable from the sky right now. The candle flickers and I pray you are encouraged to go to God and be with Him. Please do not be the ones “Who would not.”

Posted on in Aging, Amazing Creations, Challenge, Covid 19, Faith, Family, Journal, medical treatment, Memories, Nature, Prayer, Spiritual growth, Yield

How Roots Grow

The photo at the top is the Juniper tree at Live Oak Park, Berkeley, California. That is the place where Bob and I said our marriage vows over 51 years ago.

My Robert waiting under the Juniper tree with our families for me to wed him. Episcopal priest behind him.

Decades went by. I gave my heart back to Christ in 1976. He gave his life to Christ not too long after that. We worked and worked on our marriage over the years. We have always said, “Divorce is not an option. Murder maybe, but not divorce!”

Fast forward from 1970 to December 2017. We both got the flu. Within 24 hours his became life threatening pneumonia with organ shut-down sepsis. Got him to an ER. He was placed on a ventilator and rushed to a different hospital. Within two days my cough began to break up and I was by his side.

The passage from Ephesians 3 helped me as I walk through the terror of possibly losing him forever.

In 2018 I wrote: “Part of my struggle was yielding to the facts and in stillness letting my wishes die, placing my hope in the plans of the Almighty. I could not see the outcome at all, but I trusted His goodness and His love for both myself and my family. I learned that crucified you must hold perfectly still. EPH 3:16 helped me to trust more. “I pray that, according to the riches of His glory, He may grant that you may be strengthened in your inner being with power through His Spirit, and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, as you are being rooted and grounded in love.” I prayed for Bob and our children to be strengthened. I prayed for myself to be strengthened by His Spirit with power penetrating to my innermost being. Yes, crucified you must hold perfectly still. I was not “going” anywhere.”

Have my roots grown since then? I learned so much through that awful experience. Yes, my husband is alive and kicking now. His health has returned. We are going through the Covid crisis with everyone else in the world. We are perhaps more careful than other Americans, having almost lost him four years ago.

My roots? Well I am certainly aware that Bob and I will not last into eternity. Only my relationship with Christ will go that far. We do hope to see each other in the afterlife, but we both understand that relationships there are much different than here.

“Strengthened in your innermost being with power through His Spirit and that Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith….” I would not want to lose my husband to Covid or in any other way, but I feel as if I would not be devastated as I might have been in 2018. Having lived through the almost-death and brutal recovery after his illness, I can honestly say that the Lord sustained us and taught us both many things about His love and power.

“Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, AS you are being rooted and grounded in love.” God’s love is beyond my words. He holds, sustains and directs me with His love. When I resist His leading, He disarms me with His love. He indwells me by with power by His Spirit and it is a process to be rooted and grounded in love. An ongoing to the day I die sort of process.

I love this video. It shows what I cannot see below the surface of the soil. It shows the growth in split screen above and below and then goes on to show the up-close root process. How are your roots growing?

Can you imagine yourself being rooted and grounded in love like this kidney bean? Like the Juniper tree in the photo above? Why not watch the video again and ask the Lord to strengthen you in your inner being with power through His Spirit. Ask Him to helped you be rooted and grounded in love. One person noted, “We need to ask for what we want.” Grow us Lord I pray, by Your Spirit and power, in Your time. Amen.