Category: Aging

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Family, Marriage and Memories, Moving

New House, New Tree

We set up our old Christmas tree in the new house. It was too wide for the setting. Bob heard there could be an artificial Christmas tree shortage this year. So when he saw them at the hardware store he took me with him to choose one. I chose a pencil tree, known on the box as Sonoma Pine, seven foot.

It sat in the box in the garage for several weeks. Finally we decided we should set it up and be certain we liked it and it fit in the space. Mind you, my husband would be content with the photo of a Christmas tree instead of a real or artificial one. The idea of setting one up before November 15, before Thanksgiving even, has never occurred in our 51 years of marriage!

We unboxed it. The dog watched in the corner in fear. As we set it up the dog had left the room completely. We plugged it in. Looked pretty good! Well, if you have a tree set up and the ornaments are close at hand, why not decorate it? And so, we did! Just the two of us. The last few years Grand-kids had helped us decorate the tree. This year the two oldest ones are both holding down jobs and school. The youngest is 40 minutes away, one way. So we just did it.

The dog had returned to the room and was watching warily. It stumped me why she was so timid. Then I remembered the tree at the other house had been in the basement (more room for gifts and celebration space). She spent very little time near it.

We actually had fun together decorating it. After a while Bob took the job of putting hooks on ornaments while I placed them around the branches.

Yes, Charlie Brown and Snoopy on the floor for now.

I was remembering the angel Myrtle made me, the bell I crocheted like the ones Aunt Audrey made, ornaments the children and grandchildren made. Little treasures that make me smile. One ornament from Bob’s kindergarten class and the replica we made first year we were married. The yarn “snow queen”, Christmas mouse, stars to remember how His birth was announced in the heavens. The ornaments are just good for my soul. I am still debating whether to leave the angel on the top of the tree or replace her with a sparkly Gold crown I found to honor the King of Kings? There are quite a few angels on the tree.

We are accustomed to lights with many colors and this one is all white. We are unlikely to keep it lit every night until January first. Bob said he meant to get one with LED lights and this one is not. It is a joy to have it up as the time change brings sunset so much earlier.

New home, new tree and likely new traditions will be formed in however many year we have left. Bob says he is not paying for any 5 year magazine subscriptions as who knows if he will get them all read! Other age related comments have been bouncing around since our birthdays 3 weeks apart.

Father, You knew when to send Jesus.

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 5:6-8

And Father, You also know how long we have left on this earth. Let us use that time to Your Glory, I pray.

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

1 Corinthians 10:31

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. 17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Colossians 3:15-17

Our times are in Your hands. (Psalm 31:15a) Celebrate the gift of His life to you!

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Journal, Prayer, Spiritual growth

Grocery Parking Lot

Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.

Hebrews 13:2

21-20-21 Journal Entry

At the store I departed with my mask still on. As I headed towards my car I noticed a man in the handicapped parking slowly getting out of his van. A motorized wheelchair cart was close by, but not lined up with his door. As he put both of his metal crutches outside the van I asked him if he was aiming for the cart? He said yes and I offered to get it closer to him. He said sure. Those things are difficult to drive. I got it close, though not close enough in my estimation. I decided to stay with him while he got situated.

This man was morbidly obese, wearing a tractor company ball cap, suspenders over his t-shirt and very old, torn jeans. Theses jeans were so old they had barely any blue color left to them. The top of the pockets were torn as was the waistband. As he very slowly stood I encouraged him to take his time until he could get his legs under him. His van windows were open. There was change all over the console.

He began to tell me that he lives on a farm, but is no longer able to farm the land. He asked if I would mind checking one of his suspender clamps in the back. Said his van seat often knocks the clip undone when he gets in. I told him that would be fine, as my husband sometimes wears suspenders, too. His were intact.

As he maneuvered to the wheelchair cart, I noticed there was a checkbook on the console of his van. I asked if he would like me to hand that to him. He said yes. I responded we don’t want to just leave that out here. He had difficulty getting the checkbook into his pocket. Turns out his pocket was full of bank envelopes that looked as if they might contain cash. Through the tears in his jeans I could see the bands for an adult diaper. He seemed so frail that I decided to remain with him until fully seated.

I had passed a tremendously long line at the pharmacy. I made certain he was not headed there, as the drive through window might be a better choice for him. He was not going there. He assured me he had his mask with him..

He has always lived on a farm he said. I asked his favorite part of farming. He used to farm tobacco, though he never used it and never drank either. But tobacco was his money crop. He also used to help his dad milk golden guernseys. He is no longer able to farm. I asked if he leased out the land for others to farm. He said yes.

A group of Guernsey cows in pasture photographed at close quarters

.Finally on the seat,  it took him a few motions to get situated firmly.  He put his crutches in the basket. I wished him well. Told him to stay safe. Saying, “This Covid is nasty stuff and killing people.” He replied, “I know.” He thanked me for my help. Placing my hand on his shoulder I asked God to bless him

This was certainly a God appointment. My timing at the store, my departure from the store, his arrival at the parking lot in a space nearby mine.. none of that was coincidence. Stay with us both Lord Jesus, I pray.

This might just be “Paying it forward.” I too have had crutches at times and drove one of those carts in stores. It is no fun. But thank God for those luxuries when one is frail!

As I walked to my car I wondered if indeed I had entertained an angel unaware of Who he was?

Posted on in Aging, Book quotes, Faith, Just do it, Spiritual growth, Thanks

Sayings from Mom

This might not have posted on Wednesday. Let’s try this again!

Do you remember hearing, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”? That might work when trying to keep peace among siblings, but not so much if you trying to be transparent with God.

In 1994 I recorded, “Bob insists I should write during the uglies. I did some – but he means put it all down – in detail, even violent detail. I find that abhorrent to my soul. I want to write helpful, pleasant pretty things. It seems a violation of the gift to record the ugly, the crude, the ungodly AND YET there is healing and wholeness to be found in the process of forming words, sentences, phrases.

“Bob is talking about something bigger than the 3 page Artist Way obligation. He is talking about writing as a form of reflection/self examination/therapy. My Franciscan rule of life does state I will have some form of daily self examen, but I don’t always do that. I hardly ever do that at the end of the day when it would do me so much good and be so easy to recall. Could this be the time to finally begin Molly Lin? Huh? Finally?!”

Now zoom to 2021. With the chronic pain of fibromyalgia and inherent fatigue from it I have never kept that evening appointment, journaling or not. Although I have allowed myself to journal ugly things since then. Mom never said, “Stay transparent with God.” This seems to be the most important thing in my life now.

Years ago touring West Virginia and Ohio glass factories we found this art piece. It expresses my desire to remain transparent to God. Yes, I know God is omnipotent and has vision to easily view our inner thoughts and intentions. I am talking about my effort to remain unhindered in my approach to Him. Ever since the Garden we all tend to try to hide things from God, though that is impossible.

Acts 3:19-20a calls us to “Repent therefore, and turn to God so that your sins may be wiped out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord”

It was D.L. Moody who famously said, “Keep short accounts with God.” In that one statement is the secret to daily victory and spiritual power. Sin piles up so quickly. Unconfessed and unforsaken sin is the cause of broken fellowship with God and brokenness in so many areas of our lives. It is a cancer.

https://scottpauley.wordpress.com/category/personal-growth/

Short accounts, clean slate, nothing in my own sin ignored. D. L. Moody also said he was so busy with himself there was no time left to accuse others.

Whether time is spent in examination and confession in the morning, in the evening, regardless of time slot, keep current with the Lord. A short list. Daily self examination of your heart, mind, soul.

The contemporary protestant church seems to have reduced this to a minute or two at the most before partaking of communion. I believe the Word and the Spirit call us to more than that. Transparency with Christ. On the journal page, in prayer, making a space to examine our lives and confess our failings, the uglies that we are responsible for, knowing that 1 John 1:9 is true.

If we confess our sins, He who is faithful and just will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

1 John 1:9 NRSV

Cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Times of refreshing from the presence of the Lord. Sounds terrific, doesn’t it? Yet, no one can do it for us. We must each undertake this, not as self condemnation or unrelentless castigation. A time of confession, determining to turn and go a different way with help from God. Starting over. As the Benedictine’s say “Always we begin again.” Each time we swing less far on the pendulum of sin and error, making progress through repentance towards newness of life.

Keep a short account. Stay transparent with God.

Who may ascend the mountain of the Lord?
    Who may stand in his holy place?
 The one who has clean hands and a pure heart,
    who does not trust in an idol
    or swear by a false god.

Psalm 24:3-4 NIV

Clean hands. Pure heart. Short list.

Posted on in Aging, Beagle, Family, Humor, Music, Prayer, Thanks

October 18th

Day that I love! Because the man I love was born this day!!

And one of his favorite characters ….

The Book of Common Prayer offers this and I agree for my husband.

“O God, our times are in your hand: Look with favor, I pray, on your servant Robert as he begins another year. Grant that he may grow in wisdom and grace, and strengthen his trust in your goodness all the days of his life; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.“

Yes, Lord. Thank you for the gift of Bob!

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Memories, Prayer, Spiritual growth

Week of October 11, 2021

Been praying about how to tell my story of journey in life with God. Also been praying for my friend Mindy, mother of 2, happily married. After the extensive Whipple procedure to remove benign massive tumor around her organs, a year later as a result of the surgery, she got the liver transplant she so badly needed and then things went downhill rapidly. At this point Mindy is in an unconscious state, perhaps locked-in syndrome. She cannot communicate. She did seem to respond once, but now her eyes simply “look vacant.” The hospital was going to move her to a critical care facility but she has a fever of 101. God knows the heart of this woman and her family. Please, Lord, have mercy upon her. One of her daughters attended her first Homecoming dance last weekend. Here she is with her Dad. Please pray for Mindy and her family.

When our daughter was in elementary school and our son a toddler I began a prison ministry with my friend, Linda. I had taught a few Bible Studies through Women’s Aglow Fellowship. Our chapter was looking for a way to reach the community of the lost. The county had built a new jail facility. I saw on the evening news that they were giving tours of the facility before the prisoners were moved from the old facility. So I showed up for the tour. They asked what I wanted to do. I said volunteer for Bible Study. Though I had no credentials, they issued me a Pastoral pass.

A few months later Linda and I began going into the women’s unit once a week for Bible Study. She was allowed to bring her guitar to lead a few praise and worship songs. I taught from notes I developed from my study times. We asked each woman to sign in with her name and prisoner number. With their prisoner number we were allowed to write them a note each week. Linda and I would pray and have communion together before we entered the jail. We usually prayed all the way to downtown, sometimes intensely sensing warfare against our efforts.

I found a metal pin on button that I began to wear every week. It said, “I am not as innocent as I look.” Linda melted hearts with her unconditional love and hugs. I opened my mouth to teach and wanted them to understand I was not a sinless suburban woman coming to be a do-gooder among them. Frankly, you have never taught Bible study until you have spoken in a cinder block room with metal furniture bolted to the floor and $10,000 Pyramid blasting over the TV. The guards who were favorable to our visits often turned the volume a little lower. Yes, I quickly learned to project my voice!

Linda and I prayed too after the study time. We split the list of names and prayed over each note, asking the Holy Spirit what we should pray and what Scripture to include in our note to mail. The women were deeply touched by our notes. Touched as only the Lord could touch. Linda and I were acutely aware that we were nothing special. He had to be working.

I used as much Scripture as I could while teaching. Often I used 1 John 1:9 NIV

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

1 John 1:9 NIV

Yes, I had learned many times over the value of this verse and the tremendous forgiveness and cleansing we are promised through it. I also understood Jeremiah 17:0

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?

Jeremiah 17:9 KJV

Often I cannot even see my sin or sinful attitudes. The Word and the Spirit are willing to show me if I will listen and remain open to instruction. The trouble is I often think I have it all together and ignore the first few warnings from the Lord. That’s about the time I tend to say, “Thanks, Lord! I can take it from here!” Next thing I am face down in the mud.

No, I am not going to list all of the sins I have committed over the last years. I write all this to encourage you to keep your hearts soft and your ears open.

If we claim we have not sinned, we make Him out to be a liar and His word is not in us.

1 John 1:10 NIV
Posted on in Aging, Book quotes, Faith, Memories, Nature, Prayer, Spiritual growth, Thanks

What Happened to Telling My Story?

I have found that as I approach 71 years old it is not so easy just to report to you the facts of my life with God. I keep reading new things that influence how I say what I have to say. You see, it is not easy to relate an incident with the Holy. Words automatically diminish the experience.

I ordered one book from the Search Ohio library system. It is entitled “Writing in the Sand” by Thomas Moore. Subtitled: Jesus and the Soul of the Gospels. I had previously read Moore’s Care of the Soul. Decided since we just purged SO MANY BOOKS when we moved, I should try to borrow this one to see if we need to own it. Now half way through this one, I think we probably will own it. Very meaty and will take me more than one reading to fully comprehend.

I was sent an email notice about a book called Letters from the Mountain written by Ben Palpant being sold by Rabbit Room. The description said, “In this memoir of the craft, Ben Palpant unpacks a lifetime of wisdom gained through the long, hard work of learning to write and to live well. Delivered as a series of letters from father to daughter, he patiently and gracefully paints a vision of what it means to enter into one’s creative work as an act of generative obedience – an act that blesses the writer, the work itself, and the world that receives it.”

I clicked purchase without any hesitation. A few days later as I walked the dog while retrieving the mail, the book arrived in our mail box. As soon as I unwrapped it in the street, I was reading it standing on the sidewalk waiting for Lucky to “do her business.” I was drawn like I have not been drawn by a book for a long time. First drawn by my longing to have a father’s advice on the writing life. Then stung by not having my Dad most of my life to guide and encourage me. Then grateful for the book as if the Lord was handing it to me. Joyful over the aspect of being touched and led. Now chewing on the bones and meat of this tome.

The quote his daughter chose in the forward by Rainer Maria Rilke, from Letters to a Young Poet, sum up my struggle.

“Things aren’t all so tangible and sayable as people would usually have us to believe; most experiences are unsayable, they happen in a space that no word has ever entered and more unsayable than all other things are works of art, those mysterious existences, whose life endures beside our own small, transitory life.”

Rainer Marie Rilke

Unsayable. Holy things are immediately diminished when we try to put words around them. Poignant becomes less than when I try to pin it down with words. Struggling with how to relate this to you, the reader, I was reminded that often the Lord has asked me just to be His lily leaf, stand and tip.

So my walk with God is just percolating with these refinements and struggles to express myself. Finally, I have decided to work my way through my journals (and there a TON of journals, maybe 30 or more) and poetry to try to relate my story with God to you. Mostly in chronological order, but am certain there will be times when I jump out of order and just tell the story.

He calls me to stand and tip.

My prayer on October 1, 2021. Father, You led me to this. How do I express in the blog these unsayable things in my own life that have been steeped in Your Presence, soaked with Your love, dripping with Your power especially in my weakness? Help me find the words from my experiences and through the journals and poetry to encourage others, show the way to Your heart, reveal my soul, uncover my hidden-ness and show forth Your glory … Your Presence here and now. Only You can guide me in this. My methods have been faltering. I want to do Your work and Your call. Guide me, O Thou, great Jehovah.” It is almost too difficult to even write that prayer. I am not asking for help for my own glory, but so that You may be glorified and lifted up.

I will stand at my watchpost,
    and station myself on the rampart;
I will keep watch to see what he will say to me,
    and what he will answer concerning my complaint.
2 Then the Lord answered me and said:
Write the vision;
    make it plain on tablets,
    so that a runner may read it.
3 For there is still a vision for the appointed time;
    it speaks of the end, and does not lie.
If it seems to tarry, wait for it;
    it will surely come, it will not delay.
4 Look at the proud!
    Their spirit is not right in them,
    but the righteous live by their faith.

Habakkuk 2:1-4
Posted on in Aging, Amazing Creations, Faith, Family, Memories, Thanks

Lizzie

First Grandgirl and one of the loves of my life! Born on our wedding anniversary no less! One old photo of the first week or so after she was born looks as if we stuck peas in your mouth – which we did not!

Out of focus, but priceless to me!

Best puddle jumper I knew. I taught her in one corner of the garden and then moved throughout the Ohio clay yard after a hard rain!

Once she used her doctor set to examine her sister thoroughly. I mean, what good is a doctor set if you can’t use it on a live, stationary patient?

photo by r m dutina

Trying to piece together this blog entry I am having to remember where these photos were in the old house and try to find them now. Yikes! what a challenge this is!

Grammy (me) reflected in door
photo by r m dutina I think
Sorting and playing with Lilac flowers one spring

Oh my dear, so many sweet memories!

High School Graduate.

High School graduation

Well, here she is last year on her first day of college!

And just this week she turned twenty. How did THAT happen?!?

Happy Birthday, Elizabeth Celesta Ra, my String Bean.

But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him,

    and His righteousness to children’s children

Psalm 103:17

Posted on in Aging, Faith, Memories, Music, Poetry, Spiritual growth, Yield

One Thing Missing

One thing remains missing. I owned a small yellow paper sign that said YIELD. This past decade it hung on my office closet wall. I saw it more often than you might think.

Since the move we have not been able to locate it. There is always the chance that I threw it out, but I find that highly unlikely.

Over the years I have tried to learn this concept in relation to my Lord. “Constant, yielded, joyful, peaceful obedience to the Almighty.”

"Shine Your light through
This enshrouding mist
Color me with covenant this:
Abiding presence and constant love,
Indwelling grace that conquers sin
Transfigured rigid I
Yielded and bent
In Your service" - 1990

"Mighty love overwhelming every fear
	If I yet yield
	Turn once again
	Open my hands
	Release it all to You.

By grand design and holy
You rearrange the pieces
Until components black emerge
Glistening silver, white, bejeweled
Beyond my hopes.

So here in wonder
Again I open my hands
That You may have Your perfect way
In this one yielded woman." -2011

"Refresh, renew, anoint, empower
immerse, drench, wash in Living Water
alive to God
yielded to Holy Spirit." - 2014

"The clay is very still,
not quaking with expectation, but yielded.
Not disappointed with clay life
just allowing the Potter to create
and re-create, shape, mold, spin" - 2012

So as I ponder where that little paper sign has been placed, it hit me (like a 2 x 4 in the head!) I am suddenly THINKING about YIELD more than usual. I even went on-line to try to replace that old one with a new one. I was dissatisfied because new ones are red and white whereas my old one was yellow and black.

Surprise, Molly Lin, there is a new yield that applies to your life now! A cardboard red and white sign would fit with international road signs.

YIELD in Irish Gaelic

Instead of merely thinking about YIELD it is time to yield to the days and times as they unfold. Yes, I commit Monday and Tuesday mornings to writing. Obviously, as noted yesterday, that does not always work out.

Waking the writing muse can be beyond my powers. One often just has to wait until the stirring comes. I can, however, determine to try to yield to my Lord as I am moved to love, be gentled by God’s love, stir to obedience in each hour, make notes (even inside black and white paper bags) and show up for life.

Perhaps the loss of that little paper sign has been more powerful than frustration and aggravation. It has renewed in me a sense of obedience, drawing me back to the most important thing, the one thing.

1978 Humor and Hymn

 The Lord answered her, `Martha, Martha, you are worrying. You are troubled about many things.

Only one thing is needed. What Mary has chosen is good. And it will not be taken away from her.’

Luke 10:41-42 Worldwide English

Be certain to choose well!

Posted on in Aging, Marriage and Memories, Music, Special Event

Celebrating US!

We met in July. Got engaged in August. Married in September. And yes, we are STILL married 51 years later. Sunday was the day.

And we love to tell people we are still working on our relationship! This was our first song.

Perhaps some of the middle years, but even today I need to dance with him on this one!

And this perhaps our latest. Bob picked this one out!

Yes, there have been years of joy and years of struggle. Times of forgiveness and mending. Words fail me after 51 years of experiences. Robert Dutina is truly the love of my life!

Did I tell you this marks 51 years of marriage completed?!?!?!

Posted on in Aging, Amazing Creations, Humor

Peculiar Humor

The WiFi did not seem to be working. I went to the desktop computer. Clicked on connection. Heard only the cricket outside.

Oops.

Bob thought he saw a sign that said, “Jesus, Frustrated.” The billboard actually read, “Are you frustrated? Jesus can give you peace.” though viewing the 2021 organized church in America the Lord just might be frustrated!

They finally turned on the street light down at the corner. I took the dog out just after sunset. Street lamp was lit up over the workers portable toilet. If you need to go while on your evening walk, HERE IT IS!! Bob said it sort of reminded him of the Tardis from Doctor Who. The next evening while walking the dog I noticed a delivery man in the neighborhood entering the port-o-let to do his business, too.

Photo by r m dutina

WANT – NEED, two four letter words. Hmmm.

AND one day in Walgreens parking lot the car next to me had sunflower seat covers. I thought, hmm they must really like sunflowers! When I came back to my car I noticed they had an artificial sunflower in a clay pot hanging from the rear view mirror. That lead to loads of jokes. “Lady, how did you get the gash on your head?” “Well Officer, you see I have this sunflower pot and when I hit the pothole, Wham!” “Ma’am. did you lose consciousness?”

Yep! I have a strange brain indeed.