The Lectio app continues to challenge and inspire me. I noted the following idea from Lectio just as Lent began.

Today’s passage makes a startling prediction: that God’s blessings may come to me not instead of this wilderness, not in spite of this wilderness, but actually within it. The very situation I am currently tempted to resent may become the theatre of God’s greatest grace in my life. And so I must ask myself a difficult question (and I don’t ask it lightly): “Is it possible that God has actually called me into this dry, difficult or disappointing place? What if I were to make peace with it instead of fighting it?”

I read a book many years ago that helped save my sanity. The author is Tara Brach and the title is Radical Acceptance. She puts forth the idea that we can reduce our suffering by accepting things as they are instead of wishing for things to be some other way. Accepting. AA teaches about Acceptance, too.

Radical acceptance is described as begin aware of what is happening within our body and mind in any given moment, without trying to control or judge or pull away. “This is an inner process of accepting our actual, present-moment experience.” She describes it as having two parts – seeing clearly and holding our experience with compassion.

I have read this book at least twice all the way through and might need to do it again! The hand doctor showed us an x-ray of my hand. The thumb joint is bone-on-bone, no cartilage there at all. Thus, the pain. I plumb wore it out. He gave me a cortisone injection and said that might help with the inflammation, and often does. He issued a new brace for that joint. If none of this improves the condition the prognosis would be joint replacement. Third most common joint to be replaced after knees and hips.

NOT what I had hoped to hear. Yet I am not totally surprised. In the past I could knock down the pain with rest, rubs, etc. Since December it has not responded to those things.

Could it be, “Is it possible that God has actually called me into this dry, difficult or disappointing place? What if I were to make peace with it instead of fighting it?” I did not foresee Lent as asking me to give up crocheting. That might not be the case, but it is a serious possibility.

AA says: “Acceptance doesn’t mean giving in or giving up. It means giving yourself completely to God’s plan for your life, trusting that He always wants what’s best for you, and will help you meet every challenge with courage.” Lent fasting, giving up things, relinquishing habitual practices to draw ourselves closer to the heart of God.

Here is one description of the process of a deep surrender. Jessica Graham said, “So give up, give in, swim out until you can’t see land and then drop down deep to where there is nothing you’ve ever known.” This is the process of deep surrender.

Tara Brach wrote, “We too can pause and make ourselves available to whatever life is offering us in each moment. In this way, as the Vietnamese Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh puts it, we “keep our appointment with life.”

Jesus says when we are fasting this is what we should do.

¹⁶ And whenever you fast, do not look somber, like the hypocrites, for they mark their faces to show others that they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. ¹⁷ But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, ¹⁸ so that your fasting may be seen not by others but by your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees in secret will reward you. Matthew 6:16-18

So if you me see with or without the lovely brace, if you see me at a meeting not crocheting, know that this is my fast, seeking insight and wisdom from my God. Is there healing to be had here? Is there a joint replacement in my future? Pray I can trust and wait and come to know the will of Father for the future of all this yarn and these hooks and threads.

God knows and I am a child of the Kingdom. Hmm t-rus-t. Rus?