Category: Humor

Pour out

Posted on in Amazing Creations, Humor, Nature

Lucky Dog!

Okay, so it turns out they had to pull eleven of her teeth when they brought her to Ohio. She evidently had tried to chew her way out of her “coop” for years. Just now she is able to be given crunchy kibble. We are still wetting it with some water for her and mixing with canned food. Eventually we will serve it dry with a little canned food and then, hopefully, just dry.

So the name debate has been “Sweetie” because everyone says she is a sweetie. But Bob doesn’t want to go to the door and holler, “Sweetie!” Then we moved to Lucky. Thought about Gummy Bear since she gums her food (though she has molars). Seemed a little mean. Bob thought up Chewbacca and called her Chewy. Grandgirl #1 taught us that Chewbacca was a male. So we have been tossing around Lucky and Chewy for a day or so. I think Lucky is the winner.

There is just nothing quite like watching TV with a soft beagle ear on your leg!

Robert has bordered on pet portrait here, don’t you think? She is starting to like him best. If he goes out to empty the compost she cries at the door. If he doesn’t come back soon enough she howls!

When we kenneled her recently to go the store together we could hear her barking in the house. When we returned she about flipped her tail off completely she wagged so hard!

She was bored the other day and brought me her leash out of the basket by the door. Yes, I took her for a walk. She can be beagle stubborn. If she does not want to go inside I have had to pick her up and carry her a ways. This old lady is getting a work out, not only increasing my daily steps, but lifting 20+ pounds with some regularity. Sometimes I just scoop her up to remind her she is mine and I want a cuddle.

Yep, I am a happy camper with this lovely beagle. Even though it means I swelter outside in nasty humid, hot Ohio summer weather. Oh well, I own plenty of dry clothes!

As my sister-in-law said even after you pick a name there will be pet names that might change day to day. So Lucky is a sweetie who may never know her name exactly, but she is learning some commands. In just one week she has gained our trust and grown our love exponentially. She is a keeper

Posted on in Aging, Humor

Old People, Dogs and Woods

Well, she did it. Tight as it was she slipped her collar and took off up our backyard into the woods. Even hot dog pieces did not stop her. So I went in the house, got my phone, sunglasses and took off after her hoping to head her off further along the woods. We used to have a trail in the green space to walk through the edge of the backyards. Between neighbors dumping over their fences and trees falling, especially from Asian longhorn beetles, the trail is now an obstacle course. EXCEPT for a little beagle! And maybe that helped slow her down? The nose on legs!

This is especially difficult when your dog does not know her name! I went down the street calling “Here, Lucky! Here Sweetie!” (the top two contenders for name.) Neighbors offered to be on the lookout. I told Troy’s beagle mutt if he found her to keep her there. I cut down the hill through Joy’s yard and into the woods. Troy’s dog barked and I thought it was at me. Then I realized there was noise besides just me in the woods. And there she was. I called and eventually lured her to me with a piece of hot dog. I called Bob to let him know I found her. He brought the car to Joy’s house. I fashioned a collar from the leash and began to guide her through the woods. The terrain was just too rough and her legs too short to follow me. She laid down.

So picture this old woman carrying a 20+ pound dog through the fallen, rotting trees and shrubs, on a hillside, uneven terrain, using tree trunks and honeysuckle branches to balance. Must have made someone laugh! As I got to the edge of the woods, I thought it was strange that Bob had changed his shirt. Nope, not Bob. The young man who had been sitting on his porch was coming to help me out of the woods. He had met Bob in the driveway and insisted on coming down. Except for the dead thorn bush that attacked my arm, I did pretty good!

We got her to the car and we were all exhausted. I drove home with Bob holding her on his lap. Had to bathe her in the utility tub in the garage as she (of course, beagle) had rolled in something. Got her into the office and she could not wait to nap. I am about ready to nap also.

This is a form of exercise that is good for me, but I would rather stay out of the woods! If she ever slips that collar again I will insist on taking her outside with the harness on and only the harness, not the collar for leash connection! Yikes.

Posted on in Amazing Creations, Humor

Wanna Smile?

Are you old enough to remember Woody Woodpecker cartoons?

According to Wikipedia: “Woody’s character and design evolved over the years, from an insane bird with an unusually garish design to a more refined looking and acting character…” The jungle like call of the pileated woodpecker and jackhammer like tree drumming likely informed the ” insane,” irratic original design.

Now think for a minute of a pileated woodpecker …

Here is a pileated one winter afternoon a few years ago out our bedroom window. Sometimes the ones that come around look larger, like small chickens! Recently we had one on the front feeder out the office window. He was so eager to eat the suet that if you look carefully you can see chunks rolling down his belly! Nope, not white feathers there, just suet.

Pileated by Robert Dutina
Posted on in Amazing Creations, Humor, Special Event

New Kids on the Block

When I first spotted this nest I thought the Robin must be out of her mind! So low to the ground and there are cats in our neighborhood. The cats do not wear bells or other items on a collar to warn birds of their approach!

Photo by Robert Dutina

If you look closely you can see that she wove a blue plastic tape into her nest. It is likely from our favorite bakery. How she found it I do not know! Guess we dropped it outside the garbage can?

Now this is a baby only a mother could love. UGLY!

Photo by Robert Dutina

So at this point the mother Robin is not too happy with us, always approaching her nest and scaring her off. Actually she could stay and watch, but she doesn’t! Wonder if she would be more interested if she knew so many folks would be seeing photos of her babies progress? As usual, a day after they hatched I found a portion of egg shell in the garden on the next lot.

Two hours later napping soundly.
Robert, talented photographer and baby bird whisperer. He clucked, it opened it’s mouth for him!

So yes, there is fun to be had around here. When he gets a shot of the babies with feathers I will post that. I know when mom trains them to leave the nest we will hear LOTS of urgent chirping and calling.

Posted on in Amazing Creations, Humor, Nature

Red Winged Blackbird

A couple years ago one of the fast food restaurants had an ad on TV that reminded me of a bird who does not winter here, but had returned about the time of Lent. Their jingle was to advertise a fish sandwich and to me sounded like the bird’s song. When I tried to mimic the birdsong at the Cincinnati Nature Center the Naturalist looked at me very quizzically. As if she wondering what in the world I imagined! How many classical composers were inspired by nature sounds?

I have two mP3 players (don’t ask! it’s a long story). I use those players to listen to music or Scripture or radio when I take my walks without Bob. Recently I was walking and Verdi Without Words came on the player. Then I heard a bird over and throughout the song. My first thought was “Quite a bird!” My second thought was “What is that?” I am very familiar with the conk-a-ree type of song the male makes. This one had another piercing song that I could hear even with La Traviata playing. I found that other sound on the Cornell birding website, but could not link the recording here. https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Red-winged_Blackbird/sounds If you go to that site I was listening to the second and third recording they list. (Just a few seconds each.)

Without further ado, try this typical song out for size!

And imagine hearing it along with this music!! Actually if you click on the bird and then the music, I was able to listen to them simultaneously!!

Makes me smile!!

Posted on in Humor, Just do it

Don’t Try This at Home!

Unless you are younger and smarter than me! Having technical difficulty with video. Maybe this link works?

My sister had given me a bottle of hand sanitizer, but at the rate we have been using it I thought I would try what everyone says is SO simple. With the simple ingredients of two parts alcohol and one part aloe vera gel this did NOT make hand sanitizer as it was advertised on the ever reputable internet!

Instead, as you can see, I got a lump of organic aloe vera in a cup of alcohol. The Aloe Vera Gel organic bottle reads Aloe Vera leaf (99.8%), Citric Acid, Ascorbic Acid, Potassium Sorbate, Xanthan. WHAT?!?!? @#$(*&)@!*#^IHWL What a mess! I tried the stick blender. Nope, that did not work either. Just got aloe vera strands wrapped around the blades. After straining the concoction I put it in the pump dispenser thinking that maybe it had to sit for a while. Nope. Just got squirts of mostly alcohol. Which is fine as long as you use it over the sink or out of doors! When Grandgirl #2 can over she got a good laugh at Grammy’s attempts. She could not make it work either!

My Grandgirl #2 made me batch #2 of hand sanitizer a few days later. Turns out she bought cheap stuff at the Dollar Store and it worked just fine. Then my daughter found a huge bottle of gel hand sanitizer at Sam’s Club! So we are all set to stay sanitized!

Posted on in Humor, Social Distancing

Ennui

Does this sound familiar?
Verb      1.            constrain - hold back
cumber, encumber, restrain
confine, limit, throttle, trammel, restrain, restrict, bound - place limits on (extent or access); "restrict the use of this parking lot"; "limit the time you can spend with your friends"
bridle - put a bridle on; "bridle horses"
curb - keep to the curb; "curb your dogs"
clog - impede the motion of, as with a chain or a burden; "horses were clogged until they were tamed"
2.            constrain - restrict; "Tighten the rules"; "stiffen the regulations"
tighten up, stiffen, tighten
 
I am bridled by the isolation and social distancing rules. I am straining against the limits and confines of this house, this new routine, this spring of our disease and discontent. And yes, I am
bored
adjective fed up, tired, hacked (off) (U.S. slang), wearied, weary, pissed off (taboo slang), uninterested, sick and tired (informal), listless, browned-off (informal), brassed off (Brit. slang), ennuied I am getting very bored with this entire business.
en·nui  (ŏn-wē′, ŏn′wē)
n.
Listlessness and dissatisfaction resulting from lack of interest; boredom
Definitely there.
ENNUI

Not accustomed to being told what I can and cannot do, I protest. Yes, I am an introvert. Lately, I am missing the few groups I do interact with. Journey Together In Stitches = JTIS = Crochet and knit group that meets at Convent of the Transfiguration on a monthly basis. Tuesday night prayer group at The Crossing. We pray on behalf of the Leadership, Missionaries, Ministry teams and leaders, events (all suspended for now). Currently we are meeting via Zoom and praying separately. Monday night small group is also meeting via Zoom. I find Zoom less than satisfactory, but beats not seeing each other at all. And then there is church. Our congregation had a Thursday service and two on Sunday. Now we have one on YouTube with worship team and Pastor. It too is better than nothing, but even I am tired of it.

This introvert needs to mix and mingle.

Is anyone else out there tired of this isolation? It seems that for senior citizens like me this could go on for a long. long time. They are saying life as we knew it (read “as we took it for granted”) may never return. Our theater tickets are canceled. Our trip to the North Georgia mountains to seek wildflowers is canceled. Unlikely we will get to go to the beach with Grandgirls and their parents this year. Our oldest Grangirl has her graduation postponed until sometime in August, possibly held on football field. That is risky if you know weather in Southern Ohio in August!

So Bob just went for a drive by himself. Wonder if this is what he is doing in his car right now??

Let’s try this method!

Posted on in Cooking, Humor

Grrr

We have a van that drives through our neighborhood once a week. They throw out a pink plastic bag with advertisements from the local grocery stores. When they used to be late, or not come at all, I would get aggravated. I base some of my cooking and shopping by what is on sale at different times.

Now that we are restricted from doing our own grocery shopping, that van throws the ads in our drive and I just growl. Grrr. Only one local store offers shopping where they get the items, bag, total, charge them to my credit card and bring them to my trunk. Touch-less shopping. So NO, I do not want to read the ads. I had not realized how much shopping I do from memory while in a store. I see an item on the shelf and think, “Oh, yes. We are almost out of that.”

One week the touch-less store was out of my low carb yogurt. It is pretty much a staple in my diet. This week, no carrots. What? Who runs out of carrots? And mark down items? I told Bob I could not stock up on Peeps Marshmallow chickens and rabbits for him this year. I usually buy them in the markdown sale after Easter and store them in the basement. Then I ration them out throughout the year. I will say that this year when I went to make Ambrosia salad for Easter scrumptiousness and we did not have enough mini marshmallows I chopped up a yellow peep or two from last year!

It is likely many more weeks before I can go to the grocery for myself. Even then I will be wearing a mask, gloves, and who knows what else? I am trying to remain GRATEFUL. Can you imagine this pandemic 10 years ago without internet and touch-less grocery shopping?

So if they throw ads in your driveway, please pray for me to be patient and remain cheerful. I don’t care right now who has the best price on Cheerios. Would just like to fill my own basket.

-Grumpy Old Woman

Posted on in Humor, Just do it, Social Distancing

The Masks

So Dr. Acton of Ohio tells us we should expect to wear a mask here for at least a year. Wow. I understand the cloth mask does not keep me from getting Coronavirus or Covid-19 or whatever you choose to call it. It does keep others from getting ill if I am shedding the virus. It does keep me from touching my face, especially eyes, nose and mouth where contamination is most likely to enter my body. In Ohio Dr. Acton has taught us to call that the T-Zone. The first ones I made were flannel. Oh my! Too hot for me. Grandgirl #2 pointed out they would be good in winter when your nose gets cold on a walk!

I ordered some cotton fabric for curbside pick up as most of my fabric scraps were ideal for women, but not so much for guys! So now I own stars and stripes, solid red and solid brown. I make them with a piece of wire (pipe cleaner) sewn into the seam above the nose. There is also a pocket to put a coffee filter cut to size or a piece of paper towel to help filter things out. Now I’ve learned putting some light interfacing into the mask also makes it less permeable.

Elastic in 1/8″ size is hard to come all by. They are all sold out of the elastic at the local fabric stores. A theater supply place did fill an order for me for 30 yards. I ordered that much thinking I would have plenty left over. I use about 16″ per mask. Now I am thinking, maybe not enough! Now to just keep cutting, sewing, pressing and distributing!

Once people find out I make masks, it is sort of like the nylon scrubbers I used to make for my mother-in-law … they ask for some. “Oh, and so-and-so needs one, too.” So I am making masks. I think when I get the ones on my sewing table finished I will take a break and get back to some of my other projects for a week or two.

Until then, I am learning the pluses and minuses of Roku TV while I sew in the basement. MINUS – cannot record and fast forward through commercials! Cannot put sound through the speakers we have down there. Speakers were nice to project sound over hot water heater, washing machine and dryer. Pluses, can tune in online accounts like Pandora, Amazon music, and some movie channels with my older TV!

Bob needed to get something out of the safety deposit box at the bank. He left home wondering if they would let him in with a mask on! The bank door has had a sign about not wearing sunglasses, hoodies or hats. The manager met him at the door for his appointment and said yes, only under these circumstances was his mask allowed. Whew!!

And so, wash your hands and wear your mask! Throw away the liner after one use. Change the mask daily. Launder in the washing machine and if you want throw it into the dryer. Repeat. The masks I am making now are cotton and come out of dryer all wrinkly. I just reposition the folds and hit them with a hot iron. Presto! Good as new! A nurse friend told me to keep a stack by the door. Okay. Got it. After this batch I will eventually be back at it. Dare I say, let me know if you need one?? and please be patient while I fill the requests! Blessings!