How does it hit you?
Anxiety that would never name itself fear, yet it usually is just that!
The experts, both travel agents and psychologists agree that planning a trip is the most exciting thing. Experiencing the trip can be delightful unless one gets too stressed. Having completed a vacation can leave you with many pleasant memories. Our upcoming trip to Hawaii has been filled with anticipation, will be filled with enjoyment and then we will have many happy memories. Unless of course, my fears come true!
My mother always wanted to go to Hawaii to see the many flowers. She never had the funds to get there before she died. We have been planning a trip since 2020, the year of our 50th wedding anniversary. During the pandemic Hawaii said you could travel there, but had to be in quarantine for 2 weeks. We could not afford a month in Hawaii! So we put it off and all but stopped planning. Except we talk to Dan and Betty often about sights and experiences they have enjoyed in Hawaii. We most often add their ideas to what we want to do!
We have been meeting with a travel agent for this trip. That has not been delightful. We talk about things we want. She looks up the item and prices. Later she sends us an itinerary and often parts of it are wrong. She is seriously keeping Bob on his toes!
Our health has challenged us as this trip draws closer. Bob needs a medical test that he is considering putting off until after the trip. When I question him about that he tells me, “So what if it indicates something should be done?” He would rather not know. I want certainty that he will be okay traveling. He quips, “Hawaii might be a cool place to die.” That does not comfort or sooth me. Think about that. If it happens do I just bring his ashes back or arrange transport for his whole body. What a logistical nightmare! Not to mention ruining the trip. Just yesterday, come to find out, they cannot take him for the test until we return!
I have had pain in my shoulder since Thanksgiving. Doctor’s assistant sent me to physical therapy. PT made it worse. Doctor said I need an MRI to find out what is going on in there. It seems worse with certain movements. This has become pain that cannot be ignored when I move a certain way. That breath-taking kind of pain that makes one gasp and see stars. I dread lying down in bed at night. MRI is scheduled for Tuesday evening, March 28, but return appointment with doc is not until mid-April. He said I might require an injection of steroid or surgery. NO SURGERY at least until after Hawaii. Surgery now would interfere with Hawaii. Oh, I get Bob’s reasoning now. Departure date is early May.
False Evidence Appearing Real
So there it is. The fears laid out in the open. What do they require? That I trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not to my own understanding. In all my ways I must acknowledge Him and He will make my paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6) Oh.
Oh. That “T” word. It begins with a cross – t. It ends with a cross – t. And the letters in the middle ask, “R us?” Or better English, are we? Or Are U? (skip the ‘s’)
T r u s t
At one season in my life I set Psalm 56:3-4 to a melody. I would sing, “When I am afraid, I put my trust in You, O Lord. When I am afraid, I put my trust in You, O Lord. In God whose word I praise, In God whose word I praise, in God I trust without a fear.” I am starting to sing it today, through the travel to Hawaii, and back home.
Shoulder, medical test, all of it can likely be something to be classified as false evidence of impending doom, appearing real, to ruin my anticipation of this trip of a lifetime. I refuse to let the devil steal my joy.
Instead of 50 years of marriage celebrated as we visit our 50th state, we will be celebrating almost 53 years of marriage as we visit our 50th state. Pray for us please! Especially scaredy cat, worrywart, Molly. Put it down Molly. You cannot receive His full blessing if your hands are full of fretting.
2 thoughts on “Unrest”
One of the enemy’s greatest weapons is what I call ‘ the what-if dagger.’ I used to give in to it a lot until God finally smacked me in the head and said, ‘what-ifs are your desires to control the future and the future belongs to me.’ Focusing on what can happen in the future takes our focus off the present and that’s the only place we experience God. Easy to say and hard to do, but I’m still working on it.
It will be an adventure for sure…